Rhenna

Thirty-Eight

          My thoughts were distorted when something tapped my shoulder. It was a gentle poke at first but then it turned into a ruff shake.

I peeked out from my eyelids, and glared at the silhouette leaning over me.

"What do you want?" I mumbled.

My voice sounded drained. Even though I probably slept all day my body felt beat down.

"How was your day?" Jae questioned.

"Dunno". I watched a few cartoons then I fell asleep. Nothing worth mentioning.

"Feeling better?"

My headache was still there so,"No".

"Why dont you go lay down in bed?" Jae brushed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes then he smiled. "I can carry you up there if you dont want to walk".

I'd rather eat snakes.

"I'm fine down here".

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

Jae let out a breath, but he didnt push the matter. To my relief he actually walked away.

I burrowed myself into my blankets, and closed my eyes again. It was boring here. Nothing to do but sleep.

Or watch tv. But I wasnt in the mood for that.

"Elin".

I hummed a response.

"You remember my uncle, right?"

Jae's uncle was actually pretty normal compared to his nephew. I think I met him twice.

"Yeah". I answered.

"He's invited us over for dinner tomorrow".

I mentally groaned. I wasn't in the mood to deal with poeple right now. Or tomorrow. Or ever.

"Will you be up for it?"

I wanted to say no. But instead I went with "maybe".

"I'm going to wash up then I'll order us some takeout. Okey".

I didnt reply.

I waited until Jae was upstairs before I let myself drift off again.

-------------

"Why cant you wrap your head around it El?" Mom asked. She was right infront of me. I could see the gold in her onyx eyes. The proximity between us was uncomfortable.

I didnt like it.

"A-around what momma?" I stuttered out.

"This man". She held up the picture of my father. "Did not want you! Or me. So why must you keep stealing this photo?"

"I-"

"You what? You think he's going to come back for you?" She whispered with a hiss. "He's not. Your nothing Elinis. Nothing to this man. Do you understand me?"

I tried to move my head, but I felt frozen with nausea. The harsh words were spreading from my chest to my racing thoughts.

My father didnt want me.

"D-do you think I'm nothing Mum?" I asked quietly. So quetly. I was afraid of what I might hear.

The question had a stun affect on her. She just stood there. A blank look on her face. But then she said. "If you were nothing there wouldnt be any food going down that throat of yours".

"Let me tell you what you are Elinis". She spoke real slow. "Your nothing to your father. Your a pain in the ass for me. Do you know what that makes you?"

I shook my head.

"A mistake".

Hearing my mum say those words were like a slash to the back.

That was the first time in my life that I wanted to die.

I was seven.

---------------

I woke up with a small start.

It was dark out again. The apartment lights were all turned off. Which meant I must've slept throughout the entire evening.

I adjusted my eyes to the shadows, and glanced around. To my dismay I was back in Jae's bedroom.

I shivered.

His room was even worse during the night.

Bothered by my dream I got up, and went into the bathroom.

My feet ached under my weight, but the pressure was bearable.

I held my breath as I switched on the shower head.

Not bothering to undress I stepped under the ice water. It took a few seconds before it tempted out to hot.

I stood there, with my forehead pressed against the tiled walls, for what felt like hours until the water was back to ice cold.

But, even after I turned off the shower knob I didnt leave the tub. Instead I sunk to the floor and brought my knees to my chest.

I think I fell asleep like that.