Larissa x reader

Personal dark cloud

*A/n writing these prompts are acting as therapy right now hopefully some fluffy ones will be arriving soon again
Tw~ self harm, depressive episode, past abuse

Prompt~ reader has depression due to past trauma and doesn't want to burden Larissa and attempts to cover up their bad day. Larissa notices the shift and immediately starts to figure out how to help. Newly Established relationship.

You knew this was coming. Your brain remembered dates too well sometimes. Having a traumatic past meant certain days would trigger off your own personal dark cloud. And today was one of those days. You wish your cloud would go away but as they saying goes you know it will come back another day. So unfortunately you just have to let it stay where it is waiting for the sun to chase it away again. Now sometimes your cloud would be here for a day sometimes it was weeks. All you could do was hope for the best. But you didn't have much hope right now. Instead you just curled up in bed blanket over your head in an attempt to block the cloud out.

Alarm. God it was so annoying. Why didn't it understand you just don't feel like it today? In fact you didn't feel like anything today just well numb. The lack of sleep from the previous night only hindering you. Memories. Most think of them to be fond precious things that you wish to hold onto. For you all you wished to do was get amnesia. Life had been cruel to you. Until you landed at Nevermore. Nevermore was home. Nevermore is your family. You finally felt like you belonged. But Nevermore also led you to the home for your heart. Larissa Weems. Your new girlfriend who hadn't had the unfortunate pleasure of dealing with the cloud yet. And she wouldn't. Not today. No you were determined to push it away. So in an attempt of acting what was some sort of normal you dragged yourself up and out of bed throwing on an outfit. The closest outfit possible and just hoping and praying that you looked okay.

Getting ready for the day was a chore that shouldn't have exhausted you they way it had now. You had no energy yet you still have history classes to teach. The thought of people honestly made you want to crawl in a dark hole and never return. You love your job you really do and Nevermore and your girlfriend but today you just feel empty. Nothing will make the mental pain go away. Sighing, you force yourself to your classroom and prepare for what is most certainly going to be a difficult day.

The gentle shutting of your classroom door is what caught your attention. You'd been on autopilot all morning. Classes had been so much more stressful to manage. Students picking up on what they thought was your bad mood.  Some students even being bold enough to ask what was wrong. Maybe you weren't good at hiding your cloud at all. And that is how you got to where you are right now. Sitting in your chair at your desk. The draw slightly open as you rummaged around for something to ease the numbness. Thoughts swirling round your head as your hands finally made purchase on what they are so desperately seeking. Bringing the small shiny piece of silver to your desk you could feel your self being sucked into the void that was your dark cloud.

A bad teacher is what you are. You couldn't hide your cloud from the students. They knew. And you were certainly not the best girlfriend to Larissa otherwise you wouldn't be hiding in your classroom from her. You definitely weren't the smartest it's a miracle you got your job here. Maybe you only got it because Larissa thought you were attractive? That definitely makes more sense than you being smart. Oh god the looks. You didn't understand how anyone could find you attractive. You're nose is too big, your eyes are too close together, your chest was small like the rest for your frame and your thighs were too big. Everything was wrong. You'd change everything if only given the chance.

You handing realised the tears began to fall from your eyes as your dark cloud took full effect. You needed it to stop. To go away. To feel something. Anything. And before you even could process what you had done you felt the familiar sting on your arm. Bitting back a hiss you did it again and again and again. Self control was not something you had when it came to the little blade in your hand. You deserve the pain. You know that. If pain was what it takes to feel then you know it's what you'll do. But knowing when to stop had never been your strong suit. Before long your right wrist has crimson red dripping down your arm and off your finger tips. Horizontal cuts lay down your arm. Head tipped back, eyes squeezed shut you sat enjoying the small break from your cloud. It was a gasp that pulled you back to the present only then did you realise what you did...