The lost Widow - Natasha Romanoff x Female

Chapter XVIII

Good evening my dears. The next chapter is here.
And, before you read it, I would like to point out the triggers, this and probably the next chapter contains potential triggers, such as abuse and sexual violence.
I ask you, if this is in any way a sensitive subject for you, do not read it!
As always, it is always possible to write to me.

Take care and otherwise enjoy the chapter.

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She was back again, back in the dark corridors of the institution.
Like a wound-up doll, she went through the nightmare, as she had done so many times before. The same memories ran through her mind over and over again, making her relive everything she had experienced.

In a cold sweat, she shot up out of bed. The blanket wrapped around her body like shackles, giving her the suffocating feeling of being trapped. Panicked, she kicked and flailed until she threw the blanket off her and stumbled out of bed. Gasping, she stood in the dark room, holding her arms protectively in front of her.
The sudden rumble of thunder made her wince. Your particularly bright lightning bolt struck somewhere, frighteningly close, sending distorted shadows dancing across the room. Still with the images of the dream in the back of her mind, she saw nothing in your of the pillow shadows but a broad person.
With a stifled cry, she backed away and slammed her back against the door. Gripped by fear, she didn't hesitate much longer, yanked the door open and rushed out of the dark room into the hallway.
The corridor with the bedrooms lay dead silent, only the rain made a muffled sound. Hoping she hadn't woken anyone yet, she crept quickly along the corridor towards the stairs. Where she was going, she did not know. Perhaps sooner than she would have liked, she found herself in the kitchen with the adjoining lounge. Maybe she could just have a quick drink and then go to the training room, release some tension. Yeah, that didn't sound like the worst idea, at least.
Her shaky hands closed weakly around the glass as she raised it to her lips. Leaning against the fridge, she laid her head back briefly and closed her eyes. The sip of cold water ran down her throat, leaving her feeling cool and fresh.
Nina's silence was interrupted by footsteps, immediately she opened her eyes and looked searchingly into the darkness. The click of a switch sounded and the adjoining corridor was bathed in light. A broad-shouldered figure appeared in the doorway, his face still dark. Impossibly closer, she tried to press herself against the refrigerator. The figure took a step towards her and raised its hand.
The glass shattered into but dozens of glittering splinters that leapt away in all directions.
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Natasha and Yelena startled and immediately looked for the cause of the sudden noise. Their eyes quickly found the two figures in the kitchen. Bruce, standing there somewhat confused, and Nina, standing in front of the fridge with sheer horror in her eyes, looking up at the scientist.
Nat clearly saw her slump even more when Bruce raised his hand. "Bruce. I think it's better if you go now." Still confused but with a friendly nod, he said his goodbyes and retired to his lab.
"Hey, what's up?" Natasha reached forward to brush a loose strand behind Nina's ear as she raised her hands protectively. "Please, please don't touch me!"
As if Nina had just punched her in the face, Nat backed away a little. Over her shoulder she gave her sister a worried look, then turned back to the trembling Nina. "Nina, it's all right, no one is going to hurt you," she spoke soothingly. Only now did she notice the sharp shards of glass that still adorned the floor. "Nina, can you come to me carefully? I don't want you to cut yourself."
It took what felt like an eternity for Nina to calm down enough to be ready to walk through the splinters to Nat. Yelena had disappeared, looking for something to sweep out the glass.
Still in semi-darkness, the two stood in front of each other, Natasha more than a head taller than the blonde. (Just pretend Natasha is taller).
Silently, Nat led the younger one to her room, wanting a more comfortable environment.
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Nat sat on her bed while Nina still stood stoically in the middle of the room. "Nina, you can sit down. Are you really going to stand there?"
Without answering, she slowly walked towards the bed, not without taking another good look around the room. With a little distance, she settled on the edge of the bed. "Now, isn't this more comfortable?" The blonde didn't dignify her with a glance.
"You left me." The sentence hung heavy in the still air. "Nina, I-"
"You forgot me." Her gaze ended somewhere in the darkness as she played with the hem of her ermel. Natasha sighed, "Nina, please."
"What?" the blonde snapped. "What am I supposed to say?! Hey Nat, nice that you finally remembered, it only took four weeks!" she mocked. "Oh and don't worry about the fact that I died nearly twice, because of you!"
"Nina, I'm sorry, I-" her head jerked around. "You're sorry?! You can't change It Natalia!" her voice broke. "You can't."
Instantly Nat slid forward and gently wrapped her arms around the quivering figure trembling with sobs. "I know, I'm sorry," she spoke softly. "But I'm here."
Simply needing comfort, Nina let herself sink into her arms. Just as Yelena did, Nat laid the blonde head on her chest and stroked it soothingly. Salty tears soaked her shirt and the wet fabric lay cold against her skin.
As they sat, modestly speaking, rather uncomfortably and askew on the bed Nat decided simply to slide back a little. The wrong decision. As soon as she pulled Nina further onto the bed her whole body tensed and immediately she started to squirm in her grip. "Nina, I just want to sit down better."
Vehemently she shook her head, soft bats leaving her mouth and making Natasha's heart tighten.
In vain she tried to calm the girl. Finally, for lack of a better solution, she wrapped her arms tightly around the still squirming body and just held on to Nina. Again and again she whispered in a warm voice, "It's all right, I'm here."
It was quiet in the dark room, neither of them said anything more.
Nat almost flinched when she felt something cold on her shoulder. A hot tear landed on her shirt, soaking it. Many followed. The slight body twitched barely noticeably at the soundless sobs.
"You left me." Barely audible, Nina whispered the words into the darkness, as if to herself. "I know." "You promised.", Nina's voice was broken and barely audible. Natasha didn't need to see the blue eyes to realise how much pain was in Nina.
"I'm sorry." This was the only thing she could say for a long time. She realised she couldn't undo it, couldn't in the world make up for her mistake. She wanted to explain, she wanted to say that there was no good explanation and it was all just lazy excuses. That she had regretted her decision every single day that had passed since then. That she had always thought of Nina.
A gap opened up in her thoughts. If she had really always thought of the girl, how could she have forgotten Nina. Almost grateful that she hadn't opened her mouth too soon, she retrieved the apology again. And once more. And once more.
Maybe Nina would have shouted at her to stop, if she had had the energy. She should finally stop with these, yet so trivial apologies. Maybe she would have angrily demanded that Nat explain herself and her decision. If she had had the energy. But she didn't.
Silently she lay in the redhead's arms, unable to form a clear thought, her head overflowing with emotions, memories, accusations and guilt.
"I know I have a lot of explaining to do," Natasha finally spoke up. "But I don't know how to do it.... there is no reasonable explanation." Nina inwardly agreed, but again the question came up: Why? Why had Nat left her then, when she herself supposedly saw no reason. "No matter what I would say now, there would never be a good justification."
Both in their own thoughts, they drifted off into a fitful sleep.
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