Leaving The Lights On

Chapter Eighteen: Childhood

Seah’s Point of View

    Since I was a kid, I never experienced being with a playmate. I never experienced outdoor having fun with other kids.

   Why? Cause I needed to help my father working for us to eat something. Kahit na gustuhin ko man na maglaro kasama ng ibang bata at kahit na sinasabihan ako ng tatay ko na maglaro.

   I choose to help him than being a normal kid. We only have each others back back then, I always help him cause he doesn't even have a permanent job cause he never finished college.

   “Uno!” sigaw ng kasama ko habang sinusuntok ang kawalan. Yes! We're playing cards called Uno. This is the first time I've got to experience this cards play.

   This people around me introduce me to this kind of stuff. Kung siguro mayaman kami baka nalaro ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko man lang natamasa noon.

   “Sana plinus-four mo siya Jean,” reclamo ni Krystil kay Jean habang nagtatawanan ang lahat.

   “Hindi ko na pansin t’yaka na awa ako sa kaniya,” Cresha won and Jean and Krystil are fighting with that.

   After that we shared a lot of laughter's. We laughed and fought and enjoy what was going on. “This is fun!” I blurted out.

   All of a sudden they stop from teasing each other and diverted their gaze at my spot. We are currently here in our room, wala na namang tao at nagtanghalian ang ilang mga kaklasse namin.

   “First time mo no?” Nahiya naman ako sa sinabi ni jean na ikinahalakhak nila. Nagligpit agad si Cresha at nagbabadyang magchichikahan kami ngayon.

    “First time rin namin ‘wag kang mag-alala, hahahaha kita mo ‘yung turo ni Cresha? Hahahaha paniguradong mali-mali tayo pero at least enjoy!” halakhak nito at sinabayan naman ng aming mga kasama.

   “By the way, kumusta na kayo?” all of a sudden Jean asked. I don't know but bigla kaming natahimik lahat sa tanong nito.

    “Argh! Hahahaha hirap naman ng tanong mo,” saad ni Prechie. She then cleared her throat and all of a sudden she asked.

    “It’s hard. I don't know but I felt like the world makes me wanted to get rich faster and help my parents,” she said then lean her back on the chair she was seating on to.

   “The money is tight this days, a couple of days I may not be able to come here at school cause you know,” she said while shrugging her shoulder off.

   “Yeah! Me too I'm struggling with money,” Krystil also second demotion and started to sigh.

   “I work at night and still I cannot sustain my needs. Kahit anong pagod ko hindi rin iyun nakikita ng mga magulang ko,”

   I kept silent. They seemed to be happy throughout those struggles. Hindi ko akalaing may side pala silang ganito.

   I just thought na hindi sila gaanong ka problemado or what. Seems like I'm not the only one who’s problematic here.

   “How about you Jean?” wala sa sarili kung tanong. “Me? Hahahahaha” natawa rin ang ilan kasabay nito habang napapaisip nalang ako.

   “Sa amin siya ang may pinakamasayang pamilya,” agad akong na napangiti sa saad nila. Ngalang nang makita ko ang reaction ni Jean ay iba naman ang pinapakita nito.

   She’s smiling yet I couldn't see her smiling in happiness. She’s more on sad than being happy with it.

   “Papa niya lawyer tas mama niya naman doctor. Sa amin siya lang masarap buhay. May kapatid din siyang registered nurse na.”

   Kwento pa nila. Hearing this made me envy her. All that information about her family will made everyone envy her life style. But her emotions speaks the opposite.

   “Hoi hoi tama na nga kayo,” after that at na iba na ang usapan.

   Naging masaya ang buong araw namin ngunit pilit naman sa tingin ko ang mga ngiti ni Jane. As we parted noong papauwi na ay bigla kung nakitang malungkot pa rin ito habang papauwi.

Jean’s Point Of View

   I was surprised na subrang bait pala ni Seah. She even helped Kristyl sa isa naming project na hindi niya nagawa.

   Wala naman talaga kaming balak na lapitan siya in the first place kasi nga magkaibigan sila ni Raphael. I mean you know she has friends kaya akala namin talagang close sila ni Raphael. Dagdag pa na mukhang nakikipagflirt siya kay Cedric, but as the weeks go by parang paisa-isa ay wala na siyang kausap.

   So ayun lumapit ako. Ngayon hindi ako nagsisi na lumapit ako. We still didn’t know her well and still she didn’t open up yet.

   Well, at first glance I knew we were meant to be friends along with the four of us. I knew that we attract the same people with the same situation like us.

   “Oh! Good afternoon, hindi ka ba gagalang sa nanay mo?” again with her annoying voice. “Ba’t ‘di ka tumulad sa kapatid mo? Achiever, magalang, mahinhin at deseplenado,” Again with this shit.

    “Alam mo bang sa edad mo naging dean lister na kapatid mo? Of course mana sa akin kasi hindi naman ako pabaya noong nag-aaral pa ako,” lagi namang ganito.

   Laging ang kapatid mo ganiyan, ganito. Maging katulad ka niya, may pangarap may mararating. Chuchu, sa ganon sa ganito, nakakarindi. Yung parang may lamok na pilit na pumapasok sa tenga mo at ang ingay.

   “Hindi tulad mo ang kapatid mo, my utak. Ikaw? Anong mapapala mo sa walang ambisyon? T'yaka pinaaral naman kita noon sa magandang skwelahan. Tsk! Napunta ka talaga sa maling mga barkada,” parang wala na talaga siyang ibang trabaho kundi magsalita nang kung ano-ano.

   “Pinapasok kita sa isang University magarbo mamahalin, pero ang tanga-tanga mo nagtransfer kalang talaga para sa mga pobre mong mga kaibigan,” nakakairita na si mama.

   Ni hindi pa ako makagalaw dito sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa nagsasalita pa siya.

   “Sana pala hindi niyo na ako pinanganak,” bulong ko pa at walang ganang dumeretso sa aking kwarto.

   “Sa ugali mo Jean wala kang mararating,” huli pa nitong pahabol.

   My mom has a high expectations. Sa subrang taas nakakasakal na siya pakinggan. Wala na yata itong ibang magawa pag-uuwi ako kung hindi ang bungangaaan ako sa kung ano ang narating niya at ng kapatid ko.

   I know it was very painful. Galing pa mismo sa bibig nang nanay ko ang mga katagang iyun. And by the way hindi lang naman siya ang ganiyan. Nakakainggit nga na kung sino pa ang walang pera sila pa ang may masayang pamilya.

   All of them, Lahat sila iniisip na talunan ako. Walang mararating at bobo, compared to my sister mas nakikita nila achievements niya kesa sa akin.

   ‘Yun bang pinipilit mo namang maging better para sa kanila pero still naghahabol pa rin ako sa anino ng kapatid ko.

   “It’s unfair!” usal ko at na pasalampak sa sahig ng aking kwarto. Napahinga ako ng maluwag at napatingin sa kawalan.

   I study late and put forth extra effort to be a better daughter. But still my sister is considerably higher than me, and I still can't catch up to her. My efforts are still insignificant in light of her talent. I will continue to act as her shadow because I already am.

   I wanted a simple life, yet the Gods makes fun of me. They did give me wealth but they also give me hell.