Dreamswap Oneshots

Longing (Drueswap)

Related to Loneliness, Snap and A normal day for two married idiots in love.

Warnings: Blue angst, self-harming, violence and strong language

Synopsis: Dream's prolonged absence is driving Blue crazy

***

Dream still hasn't woken up.

The thought made Blue's heart sink down like the titanic, his temporary good mood fading into specks before completely dissolving into the air.

It has been three months since Dream got shot and Blue was this close to losing hope that the man ever woke up. The possibility of it happening, as small as it was, made him feel a pang in his already damaged heart. Any more of those and he was sure he would crack.

He missed him.

He missed him so much that it was fucking pathetic.

It felt like it has been ages since the last time Dream had touched him and he wanted to cry just thinking about it. He wanted him to hold him again during his bad nights like he used to do when he was awake, to trace a finger on his back when they would lay in his bed to sleep, to cup his cheeks in his hands when he refused to eat or even to hold his hand while he was brushing a cleaning tissue over his fresh cuts.

He wanted to hear the concern in his voice when he would find him relapsing, a small blade pressed to his wrist, the comforting tone he used when nightmares would haunt his endless nights, the joy he conveyed when talking about something he liked and the love in his voice when Blue opened up to him.

He wanted to smell the soft scent of vanilla on his pillow when Dream would lay on it, to smell his scent on his clothes when he put them on without Dream's knowledge, or even that same scent of vanilla on his own skin when the other would touch him. He wanted to chase that faint taste of coffee in his mouth when he kissed him in the morning again.

Basically, he wanted Dream back.

Was that too much to ask for?

He was curled up in Dream's bed, the covers pulled up to his shoulders. Even so, he was shivering. It was freezing.

Blue's eyes darkened a little more at a thought he wanted to push far away, to ignore until it wouldn't be a problem again. But it blossomed into a downright rant without his consent, forcing him awake.

When Dream was with him, it never felt this cold.

He gritted his teeth, shifting a bit to reach for the blanket and drag it over his nose instead of his shoulders. A frown escaped him, an embodiment of the absolute mess of emotions his brain was currently making. He fought the urge to scream, to cry, to thrash around the bed, to tear the covers apart. Even Dream's own bed has lost his smell, replaced by Blue's own.

That disappearance of familiarity made him feel like Dream himself was the one who disappeared.

He hated that.

He hated how he would meet empty cold every time he shifted in the bed when he used to feel a familiar warmth and open arms upon his approach. He hated how he would hear deafening silence instead of Dream's sleepy mumbling or soft breathing. Hated seeing the pristine white of his pillow instead of Dream's resting face. Hated feeling chills run down his spine because of the biting cold instead of Dream's finger brushing his skin. Hated how his arms had to awkwardly wrap around himself when they used to pull Dream closer to him. Hated how he wouldn't wake up to soft petting in the morning, the sun illuminating slightly his handsome face.

Hated eating alone in silence when it used to be the two of them chatting and laughing like they were the only ones in this world, uncaring of what they were saying exactly but just enjoying each other's company. He hated feeling like something was missing every time he would come to an empty, dark, and silent home.

He hated having to calm himself down after a violent panic attack or mental breakdown when Dream used to do it faster and better than he could ever think of doing. Hated having to brace his bad days alone when he used to have a shoulder to cry on and a warm embrace to make him feel like everything was going to be okay. Hated having to deal with people harassing him about the very incident that took Dream away from him himself. Hated having to listen to the voices in his head telling him to die without anyone reminding him some people actually cared about him and that he belonged somewhere. Hated having no one to distract him from his issues. Hated having no one to call his own.

He hated feeling so alone.

He hated being so alone.

He hated everything.

But he hated himself even more for losing the only person in this goddamn world who would truly love him for who he is and not what he looked like. For losing the only person who had ever made him feel alive. For losing the only person who understood and accepted his problems. For losing the only person with whom he wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life.

For losing the only one who accepted him the way he was without asking for anything in return.

For losing the only person he didn't wanna lose.

His fists tighten on the yellow hoodie he was wearing, old belonging of Dream which also lost his scent. A tear fell out of his eyes.

Then another.

And another.

The next thing he knew, he was completely bawling and wailing like a child.

He should have been the one in the hospital bed, not Dream.