When I returned to my apartment, my eyes fell on Luca, who was just casually sitting on the floor, his back against the door.
He's probably been here for hours.
He picked his eyes off the floor and looked at me, an expression I couldn't decipher. I silently took a seat next to him, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. We were quiet for a while, until I decided to speak up.
'I don't think you understand how in love I was with Neymar...' I shook my head, tears trying to make their way onto my face. 'Hell, a part of my heart will always belong to him.' I chuckled. 'And I understand you. I know that everything you say to me is not to hurt me... but help me. And for that I'm forever grateful.' I turned my head towards him, Luca's eyes on the floor.
'But I can't help it Luca.' I wiped a tear off of my face. 'And even though a part of me will forever love him... a part of me will forever hate him. Because of what we could've been. I gave him my heart, my everything... and one day he just gave it away.' I smiled softly. 'I can't put up a wall between me and Neymar. I don't think I'll ever be able to...' after a small pause I carried on. 'And you know what's worse?' I asked rhetorically. 'That for the rest of my life I'll have to love him silently. And eventually, the idea of him will fade and turn into a faint image in my heart and head. And I'll grow so used to it that I won't even notice... but only until I'll go to a place, hear a name, eat a food, say a joke, a small thing that'll remind me of him. It might not happen everyday... but it will.' tears started rolling down my cheeks. 'And yeah...' I nodded my head. 'Maybe one day someone will come and sweep me off of my feet and grow in the emptiness he left, something entirely new. But I'm afraid.' My eyes finally met his. 'That I'll never be loved as much as I love.'
'I don't judge you.' Luca finally said. 'Hell, I'm madly in love with a girl thats heart will never belong to me. But I found closure in that. I found closure in her friendship. In the way she smiles at me. And in the way her eyes search for mine.' he said truthfully. 'And it hurts me to see her this way.' he said nodding at my state. 'It hurts me to know that her face is being stained with tears. Tears from someone she was madly in love with.' he turned his eyes back to the floor. 'I'm not telling you to go out there and jump into the unknown. But I am telling you to give it a chance. A thought.' he smiled softly. 'Because you deserve the world and every beautiful thing that it has to offer. Because you deserve to smile and laugh and love.'
Once again, silence fell over us.
I loved Luca, but I wasn't in love with him romantically. And the fact that he knew that, broke my heart a little. The fact that just like me, there's always going to be something that'll remind him of me. A what if.
'I love you Luca. But you already know that.' I said resting my head on his shoulders. 'And I am truly sorry that I can't give you what you need. And I'm thankful that you'll never ask me for more.' I said letting out a sigh. 'Because without you, I'll be completely lost.'
'Soulmates aren't always lovers.' he chuckled.
'Yeah.' I chuckled lightly. 'But I gave it a thought. And I took Pedri's offer in going out to eat sometime.'
'You did?' he asked surprised, his eyes sparkling.
I took a deep breath and exhaled. 'Yes.'
He stood up and extended his arm towards me. 'You should really make me a key.' he laughed. 'My ass is frozen.' I laughed.
'I shall.' I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.
We entered the apartment and changed. We went to bed, and I fell asleep in his arms.
A place I'll forever cherish. A place I'll always feel safe. A place I'll forever call home.
***
**ALARM**
I groaned and got out of bed, this being the third time that my alarm has been going off. I can't possibly hit snooze again as I'll probably end up getting fired from the job I grew so much to like. I glanced at Luca who was still sound asleep, so I decided to do what bestfriends do. Or at least what he says bestfriends do.
Share eachother's pain.
I threw hard a pillow at his head. 'Wake up! We're going to be late to work.'
He instantly reacted to the pillow hitting him in his face, sitting up. 'What the hell is wrong with you?' he groaned.
'Morning to you too sunshine.' I smiled sarcastically.
Without arguing, he quickly got out of bed and we started getting ready. As I was waiting in the kitchen for Luca with some coffee, my phone started ringing.
'LUCA, MY PHONE!' I shouted, as I left my phone in my room.
'It's Diego!' he said.
'Answer then.' I said. 'And put it on speaker. I don't trust you two.' I laughed.
Luca answered and came into the kitchen, the call on speaker.
'Irina, hi!' Diego greeted me on the other side of the phone.
'Morning. What happened?' I asked a bit worried, as Diego never calls me.
It's me that does that.
'Unfortunately I won't be able to come in. But that doesn't mean you're not. The key to the cafe is under the brown flower pot.' he instructed me.
'There's like a hundred brown flower pots.' I said laughing.
'I have faith you'll find the correct one. Plus Luca is going to be helping you too.'
'I don't actually remember working there.' Luca chuckled.
'No, but Irina does. And I doubt you'll leave her by herself.'
'You have nothing to worry about.' I said reassuring him. 'The cafe is in excellent hands.'
'Please don't disappoint me and my family. Thanks, bye.' he said chuckling, ending the phone call.
'Kids.' Luca rolled his eyes playfully.
