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"Something called self sabotaging exists," Xo commented, as me and her walked to lunch. Turns out that Cecia was supposed to have our lunch, but since she had two math classes, her shit had been fucked up by the counselors. By tomorrow, she'd be joining us though, once everything was corrected.
"I don't think Linda does that. I think...she moves based off her emotions. I did that for the longest," I told her quietly.
"What was it like there?"
She was referring to the place I had to be held at.
"Like living at school," I told her simply. "Knowin' I'd be gettin' out soon," a bit of sarcasm added on my part.
"How did your dad react? I know he was always..."
"He was hurt. But more worried than anything. I feel like if I even show any anger or sadness around him, he'll think back to the incident and I...I can't handle the disappointment and the worry in his eyes. I just can't do it, man," I shook my head.
"Tacos today, pizza tomorrow," Xochitl told me as we approached the lunch line. "That dumb ass sign been here since before the dragons and it's not even accurate."
"I believe it," I laughed. "Maybe the first year the school was built."
"Why I see Linda and she givin' you looks," Xo commented, coming to lowly say it into my ear. "Thing is, she's a nice girl who hang around bitches. That's gon cost her 'cause she really not about nunin in her heart, you know?"
"I'm not gonna fight Linda, no matter how much she tries to provoke me," I shook my head. "I already hurt somebody very close to her. I don't want this to be a continued thing. And it makes me seem obsessed with her family or sumin."
Xo nodded, "And between you and her, you'd be the one who would get in trouble more likely than her 'cause of your past."
"Right. I'm not tryna be locked up again ever," I added.
"Any girlfriends up in there?" Xo did a little shimmy, grabbing a foam plate tray and putting the required stuff on it first before choosing what she wanted.
"A few but you know they ain't mean nunin," I shrugged. "I was a little bit of a player, if I do say so myself," I grinned. Something crossed my mind at the moment, "But hey. I noticed how Cecia tried avoidin' the whole topic of what she been doin' all this time. Wassup with that?" I asked.
I know Xochitl heard me, but she didn't answer.
A bowl of food hissed with steam and spicy flavors as one of the lunch ladies sat it down into the deep, empty impression of the buffet line. The glass around the food started to fog up, and it was hotter in the line now. The floor beneath us squeaked with faint, watery mud streaks in combination with whatever they used to clean the floors. The cafeteria was a loud, open place with just too much going on.
"We can sit outside?" I asked, putting some soggy ass greens on my plate. "Or eat in the library or sumin?"
"I was thinkin' we could sit with some of my other friends. If you keep to yourself, nobody's gonna like you, Ora. I'm just being real. Yeah, if you was the average student, nunin would be too wrong with that, but you got a whole reputation. It's sad, but if you want people to treat you decent, you gotta show that you're a social being just like them," she shrugged.
"Lunch is our only break out of eight, more or less, hours a day. I need it to recuperate and rest, or ima be cranky. And it's loud as hell in here," I stated, holding my ground.
