O
Cecia never came out the office, no matter how long me and everybody else tried to wait for her. By the end of the day I had text her about twenty times, and had waited at least four minutes outside my last class for her to show before I had to get on the bus.
Hardly nobody looked at me when Cecia wasn't around.
That was a plus.
I walked with my head down, some loud music blaring in my ears as I headed to where the buses waited for us at. City Morgue, I think it was; I wasn't really listening anymore.
Cecia felt something for me? Did she mean as a friend or...something more?
And damn, why did my body light up when I thought she was leaning in to kiss me? Why couldn't she just be clear with me? Why was everyone else so sure that she wanted me when I couldn't even tell myself? I was never that good at interpreting other people anyways...but why couldn't this be something stark and transparent to me?
It probably came from my problems with my dad.
The way he was a lukewarm substitute for my mom most of the time, and the most amazing person on the planet some days. I knew that he cared...but his emotional availability was ehhh. Why couldn't I recognize how Cee felt for me? And why didn't I know how I would feel about her...if she did love me in a certain way? Because my own father's love was unrecognizable.
Friends don't confess their love for you, Ora, don't be an idiot, I thought. But...I just wasn't sure if that was a love confession or some shit.
I got onto the bus, Cecia's usual spot empty besides me. I let my hair fall over my face like a shield, releasing it from the two pig tails I had put my locs in today. I brought my knees up, escaping in my music. It felt like the first day of school all over again.
I was isolated and anxious...and I missed the before.
The before Linda, the before Claria, before Elodie, before this high school.
I got off at my stop and plastered my "I'm okay" face on, so I didn't get any questions out of my dad. But when I walked in and turned on the lights inside of our small, barely average apartment, he wasn't even there.
My face fell.
Maybe it would have been nice if he could have comforted me. Even if he had scolded me again from the couch. He probably got caught up with his patients again. Like always.
I made myself something quick to eat and took it back to my bedroom, something I rarely did. I placed my stuff on my night stand and got under the covers, trying to find something to watch on my phone to bide my time. I had stuff I needed to do school wise, but it just wouldn't be done tonight.
Cecia had felt so much like me today after the fight and I couldn't even be her side to help her through that familiarity. And then her confession...if you could count it as that.
Two knocks on the front door.
I sat straight up. I went to my dad's room and grabbed his shit. I looked through the peep hole, hands shaking against the door.
"Ora, it's me," Cecia said through it. "Can you open up? I gotta pee."
I slowly unlocked the door, letting Cecia come inside. Her eyes darted to the weapon in my hand then away, with a shrug.
"How do you know where I stay?" I asked carefully, locking the door behind me.
"Um...I don't know," she laughed awkwardly.
