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I checked for Linda in the halls, then the bathrooms next. When I didn't find her there, I told myself the library would be my final spot. Lunch was almost over and I hadn't eaten anything. Swear my appetite was on zero like a nigga had nutted in me or something.
I walked in and looked around. She was tucked in the back with a book. I'm not saying aggressive and fighting ass people don't read, but...maybe we had it all wrong and Elodie had been influencing Linda.
"Linda." She looked up at me from the carpeted floor, a water bottle at her side, her book in her lap.
"What?"
"I wanna talk. No fightin', no none of that."
"At da tables den," she gestured towards the most open area of the library.
"Ight," I walked out first so she wouldn't think I was surprise attacking her ass or something.
She sat down across from me.
I really wanted to know how a person I hardly ever saw around Claria and who didn't even come to court when I was being given my punishment could give so much of a fuck about her?
But of course I couldn't say it like that. I wouldn't.
"So," I said.
"So," she laughed a little.
Guess, I'll just...jump right into it.
"I'm sorry for what I did to your cousin. I was at my snapping point because of the treatment me and Cecia were receiving from her. I was tired of the bullying that I got for no reason, and we weren't the only ones. You know that," I added softly. She listened to me with a hard expression, all the laughter gone now. "It wasn't right what I did, but I was at my breaking point. My mom's death plus that."
"I didn't like being around Claria because I knew she was mean too," she started. "But I remembered a time, growin' up when she was nice. Or, at least nicer. When her family was nice too. Then around the time of middle school something traumatic happened in the family, and all of the family, mine, extended, we were at each other's throats. Her family split up because her dad didn't wanna deal with our family drama as a whole anymore. All of this put pressure on her. That's when she started being a bitch. I noticed it. Not long after that...everything between you and her happened, and it really sunk us as a whole."
Linda wiped at her eyes, "My family remained intact, but losing Claria had my parents harder on me and harsher with me. Losing Claria made everyone toxic. I guess with Elodie here I found a common trait of meanness and a hatred for you with her. I started being a bitch to you because I saw it as a way as payback on the behalf of Claria's death. But I was just as wrong to do that to you. None of this was right," she shook her head.
"I'm not sayin' Claria being a bully is justified because she was having family issues. I'm not sayin' that at all. But now I understand it wasn't because she personally hated anybody. I can sympathize with the fact that she was hurting, probably too young to understand how to deal with that hurt, and also not having good role models to show how it should be processed. Hurt people, hurt people."
"A lot of bullies," Linda said slowly, "Are just victims inciting more hurt. Nobody asks the bully if they're okay. They ask the person on the ground. Claria never liked pity...so me telling you all this about her and our family- it's not to excuse things or ask for pity. It's just an explanation. Because sometimes an explanation can be as good as an apology. Some people draw into themselves when they experience different forms of abuse...or trauma...or just pain in general. But she didn't, she pushed all of those emotions outwards. She started being a bitch. And that cost her friendships, and happiness, and not getting to walk across the stage. And...it cost her life."
