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"I think I do want to know," I told Cecia, staring at her still figure.
She mouthed a word that I couldn't decipher.
"Cecia, open yo goddamn eyes. Yeen meditatin'," I had to break up the seriousness of the moment. That didn't work well for me and how anxious I could get at times. I mean, shit, all this I'm finding out about her gives me a good reason to be anxious, but I at least needed to be able to play it cool while I was sitting next to her.
Her eyes flew open, watery and glossy.
"You could like, deteriorate yo contacts like that, or something," I added, laughing awkwardly.
Play it cool, play it cool, she might kill yo ass next or something.
"I didn't kill Claria on purpose. I was in a rage. So how does that make me a killer?" I switched my tactics. Get her to accidentally tell me what she considers herself as far as what happened between her and Kailin, since she wouldn't tell me outright. I knew now that a killer was someone who killed unintentionally...but I was willing to play dumb for some info out of her. If I kept acting like I didn't know the difference between the two, maybe she would reveal which one out of the options that she was.
Can't believe I had been calling myself a murderer this whole time though. Damn. That probably didn't help with any social points for me, huh?
"Killer's kill unintentionally," she explained again, looking annoyed that I apparently couldn't grasp that.
"Hey, you know I'm not that smart," I lied, laughing, "So, anyways, that'd make you a killer just like me too?" I added in, still pretending to give out my best laugh.
If this girl say murderer, me and my dad relocating pronto, though. And that's on Claria's triflin' ass.
"No," she gave out one little chuckle, "That'd just make me a murderer."
"Cee, stop playin'," I nudged her. Because she was playing. She didn't have an option not to be.
"I'm not," she told me, confusion on her face. "I didn't want to, but-
"Then that contradicts everything you just said," I rolled my eyes. "You just said that intentional equals murderer, and now you're saying you didn't want for her to drive off that bridge, so you're a killer." She tried to say something and I interrupted, "Either way it goes, you didn't directly kill Kailin like I directly killed Claria."
"I didn't want her to do it, but Kailin didn't drive herself over the bridge...entirely on her own," she said lowly.
I looked around across the preoccupied bus.
"Tell me the rest at home, damn, Cecia."
I turned on my music, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the window. I wouldn't let myself fall asleep next to her. But I also wasn't gonna stay awake and have to keep a calm expression on my face when my heart was pounding and everything Cee was telling me was starting not to sound too good.
What was the truth? Did this girl actually kill herself? Or did Cecia really have more of a hand in Kailin's death than everyone first thought?
We got off at my stop and we walked side by side up to my apartment. I opened up the door and closed it behind us. My dad wasn't home, as expected, and had left a note about him dealing with the water company at the dental office.
"Your mom was nice," I mentioned again, going to the fridge and getting me a bottle of water.
"Thanks," she awkwardly said.
