The Words I Never Said [editing]

0.0 [part two]

In the cold, white room, my father's bed has doctors and nurses all around it. He's sitting up and holding his small chest. I look around the room, trying to find someone to explain what is happening. The only thing I see is my mother on her knees, in the corner, crying, with her hands covering her mouth.

I drop my bag of food onto the floor and run into the room. My eyes are watering, and my chest feels heavy, but I run to my mother.

"What's happening to Dad?" I scream, "What's happening!"

My mom grabs me and pulls me into a tight hug. "Please don't look," she pleads. I do as I'm told, trying to make my mom happy.

Jessie runs right after me, landing in my mother's arms as well. Sitting there on the tiled floor, we look like complete messes-crying and huddled together.

Father's bed is being rolled out of the room with the same doctor and nurses surrounding him. Jessie gets up and starts running after him, but a stray nurse in the lobby pulls her back. My mother gets up and goes to where the nurse is holding her with my restraint. I watch through the small window as the woman I look to for support and bravery falls to her knees and hugs Jessie tightly.

All I do is stand there-frozen. I'm left in the aftermath of the dramatic scene, completely oblivious to my surroundings. When my mother and sister arrive back in the room, we cry and cry. We stay like this for hours, waiting for someone: a doctor, a nurse, anyone to tell us what their going to do with my dad.

+

A nurse walks down the bright hallway, coming closer and closer towards my family. The news he breaks to us causes my mother, Jessie, and I to break down again.

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "during the surgery too much fluid gathered in his lungs... We couldn't save him."

My mother falls to the floor and cries, and Jessie and I curl up in balls beside her, also crying. The doctor tries to comfort us, but fails. We just kept crying and crying.

Later that evening after the news of his death, the same doctor asked if we wanted to see him. My mother agrees, and we make our way to another cold and white room, but this room didn't have all the windows like Father's other room did, it was just a room.

Jessie walked in first, with my mother and I following behind her. The little girl ran up to the still warm corpse and huged him softly. Mother soon walked up beside him and kissed his forehead. But me? I just stand there in shock. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. But I did know that I was angry, angry at myself. I should have gone back and said "I love you, Dad" like I thought to! It was such a simple task!

Warm, fresh tears drip down my face. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Mom?" I ask, my voice shaky.

My mother looks to me with glossy eyes, "Yes, dear?" I know she's just trying to be strong for Jessie and I.

"Can I have a talk to Dad? Alone?"

She just nods her head and guides my younger sister out of the room.

I walk over to his lifeless body very slowly. "I love you, Dad. With all my heart," I whisper. My voice becomes even more hoarse and my body starts shaking. I reach out and put my hand over my father's. "And I promise you, my last words will always be the ones I said to you." I lean down and hug my father like Jessie had (my head on top of his non-moving chest and my arms on the sides of his body). Mom comes back in and leads me out of the room. She grabs my hand with one of hers and the other with Jessie's.

"Come on, let's go home," she says, "we've seen enough sorrow today."

And from then on, I never said another word.

+
edited.