Sophia, who art thou?

8. SOPHIA

31st December, 2017

Drew is late. Again. I can't help but imagine how good life would be if I hadn't met him. The only reason I came to this party is because Tessa made me. I'm not even that big a fan of New Year's. You know, with my parents dying on that day and what not.

I specifically told him to be here at half past seven and it's already half past nine. I even wore my maroon empire dress that he likes. I even wore the tear drop earrings he likes. I even wore the heels he likes. I even curled my hair the way he likes. I went through all of this for him and he still isn't here. Just yesterday he was talking about our future and getting married. Well, guess what, Drew. We can't have a future if you're not here. But I don't mind. It's nice to not be around him for a while. He's sweet but he can be a bit much sometimes. Actually, no. Off late, he isn't sweet at all.

But I don't mind. When he was talking about marriage and shamelessly feeding me daydreams of walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress and kissing the man of my dreams and saying "I do", I had smiled because it was a beautiful promise. I had seen Drew's eyes flicker with hope and I had let them. I never told him that the reason the promise was so beautiful was because he wasn't the man I was walking to.

*

It's half past eleven. I've given up on Drew coming. I stopped texting him about fifteen minutes ago. Now I'm just sitting in the balcony, toying with the neck of my champagne glass, taking in the famous New York skyline. I have no clue how Tessa affords this place, but this view is to die for so I'm not complaining.

"Bit chilly, isn't it?"

I don't have to look behind me to know who it is. The deep, honey voice. The chill that ran down my spine as I heard it. The colour that flushed to my cheeks as I heard it. I turn around because I have to see him. I've waited too long. "Hey, stranger."

"Come on, Soph. I deserve a little better than that, don't I?"

I take him in, little by little, inch by inch. The tousled yet refined fluffy black hair, the relaxed eyebrows, the deep brown eyes, the thin pink lips, the straight set jaw. I jump into his arms, breathing him in. I smile at the familiar jasmine scent. "Hey, Roman."

"You haven't aged a day."

"Neither have you," I blurt back, as he releases me. "God, you look great."

He smiles and I feel myself relax. Roman always has that effect on people. He'll smile and you just know everything will be okay.

"Want to tell me what you're doing all alone on the balcony? And honestly, aren't you even the slightest bit cold?"

"Drew was supposed to come with me."

Roman grimaces. "You're still with him?"

"Come on, that isn't fair. You had your chance."

"Not really, Soph. If you think about it, not really."

I feel a pang of guilt shoot around in my chest. Looking at Roman hurts. It hurts to know that I could've had something so good and I let it slip through my fingers.

"Are you at least happy with him?"

"Relationships take work."

"You're deflecting, love."

I feel my face heat up. He hasn't called me that in forever. No one has called me that in forever. I don't like stuttering but I have no option because my mouth isn't really helping me form sentences right about now. "Umm...it's kind of, you know. Complicated. It's an umm... difficult situation and we're just trying to make it work-"

"He's making it work by not showing up to a party you invited him to?"

I sneak a look at my phone. Five minutes to midnight. "God, he really pisses me off sometimes."

"Yeah, I can see that."

I laugh, running a hand through my hair. It feels different all dolled up. I'm not even sure I like it like this.

"Do you still love him, Soph?"

"What? Of course, I do. He's my boyfriend. I live with him!"

Roman's eyes stay fixated on mine. He isn't flustered. He was expecting this. "Are you still in love with him?"

"I don't want to answer that."

"Are you still in love with me?"

I don't even have to think about it. "I always have been."

"Should I wait for you?"

"I can't tell you what to do."

My eyes break away from Roman's, startled by a bunch of twentysomething year olds chanting the countdown at the top of their lungs. As I turn back to face Roman, his face is a lot closer to mine than it was before. Just as I hear slurred "happy new year's" making their way across the living room and fireworks going off in the distance, Roman cups my face.

"No, you can't", he whispers, as he slowly brushes his lips against mine and I let him. For once, I don't think too much. It just feels right.

It's too late by the time I pull away and feel a single tear make its way down my cheek. I don't even remember what I whisper to him but it's something along the lines of "I need to go". I bump into a wide eyed Tessa on my way in, she's clearly seen what just happened. I shoot her a "don't even start" look and run out of her apartment.

As I'm standing alone in the stationary elevator, I can still taste the peach of his champagne. I can't help but put a hand up to my lips and feel my heart flutter. I grimace as I think of Drew touching me that way, kissing me that way. But I know what I did was wrong. As right as I want it to be, it's wrong. Pushing back any thoughts I have of Roman, I press the button that reads "G".

And that is when I decide that when Drew asks me to marry him I will say yes.