Sophia, who art thou?

33. TESSA

I swear to god I'm gonna fucking kill her. Who does she think she is? I don't even know what I'm going to say to her or how late it is or how my petrol tank is dangerously close to being empty. But I do know what I'm going to do: I am going to knock some sense into Sophia James.

*

"Tessa, hey. What time is it?"

I don't even try to register what she's asked me or why I feel nothing but rage in my chest, but everything becomes much, much clearer as soon as I feel my palm sting as it strikes Sophia's cheek.

And then I know what to say. "Stay the hell away from my brother."

"Tessa-"

"Stop messing with his heart, Sophia! If you don't want him, let him go."

"I do want him!"

"Then don't leave him hanging. He's miserable without-"

"Just not right now."

"Oh, that's...that's rich."

"I don't want to jump from one guy to another so soon after-"

"Isn't that exactly what you did to Roman? Dumped him the second Drew came along?"

"That was different."

"How?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you dare say that to me."

"Tessa-"

"I have never met someone as heartless as you, Sophia. But I never cared, not once. Because you made up for it. Somehow. It seems so stupid now, but I wanted nothing more than to be exactly like you. And now? Now I couldn't think of anything worse."

"Come in, sweetie."

"You must be out of your damn mind. Did you not hear a word of what I just said?"

"Are you going to slap me again?"

"Are you going to give me vague answers again?"

Sophia smiles. She just stares at me. "I need a drink. Care to join me?"

*

"You make me so mad sometimes, Sophia. I wish I'd never met you."

"Why?"

"You don't care who you hurt. And the worst part is, I didn't even know this until a week ago. I cannot believe I have spent the better part of a decade sticking up for you."

"Tessa, I shouldn't treat Roman like I do. I know that," Sophia slurs as she pours more wine into what seems like our fifth glass. It may be more. We stopped keeping count after we finished the bottle.

This isn't even about Roman, but I really do want to know what she has to say. "Then why do you?"

"Because I can."

I can't help but laugh at her.

"What are you thinking?"

"I think I want to slap you again," I smile as I lean back on Sophia's couch. "I think I want to slap you real good."

Now Sophia laughs with me. "Okay, you are officially cut off."

I hum softly as I savour the last of my wine. "I don't think I should drive home tonight."

"You can take my bed. I'll stay in the guest room."

"Good to see you still have some decency left in your soulless body."

"Now now, there's no need to be mean," Sophia pouts.

"You're fucking with my brother's brain, I have every reason to be mean!"

"Sorry about that."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Sophia. Why is this so hard for you? Either be with Roman or don't. But please, please, don't make him wait for you. That's just..."

"Cruel?"

"I was going to go with immature but yours sounds better. We're sticking with cruel. But you know what really troubles me, Sophia?"

"No," she nods, playing along.

"You're not cruel. But you act cruel. But nobody believes that you're cruel. Why?"

"I'm good at what I do, Tessa."

"What do you do?"

"Whatever the hell I want," she smiles, as she empties another bottle into her already full glass. With each droplet hitting her glass, I begin to lose patience.

"Do you love him?"

"Be more specific, please."

"Roman."

"Yes."

"Why don't you want to be with him?"

"He's uncertain."

"What in god's good name is that supposed to mean?"

"I can't tell what's going to come along with him. And I don't like that. I knew everything with Drew. I knew when he would take me out, when he would blow me off. I knew when he would be upset and when he would want me to be upset. That sounds crazy, I know, but it worked."

"It clearly didn't."

"No, it did not. But it was good while it lasted."

"I think Roman's going to leave New York. So much for wanting predictable," I scoff.

"Do you know why?"

"No. I didn't know until about..." I check my watch. It's already half past three. "Four hours ago."

"Tessa, Roman isn't going to leave New York."

"He won't if you're still here." When Sophia doesn't say anything, I sit up straighter. This is my time to be the ultimate hype woman, "He really would do anything for you."

"That's the problem."

"What?"

"I didn't say anything."

"No, you did, I clearly heard you say-"

"It's late, Tessa. We're drunk. You should go sleep," Sophia says, her voice fading as she walks away from me.

"Sophia, wait."

"Yes?"

"Happy birthday."

"Is it already?"

"Please don't waste your wish this year."

I see her eyes soften. I didn't think they could do that anymore. She walks back to me and presses a light kiss into my hair.

"I won't."