Sophia, who art thou?

24. ROMAN

12th January, 2018

"I'm waiting for the coffee-"

I don't even finish that sentence and Tessa grabs me by the elbow and drags me to her office. "That is no way to treat a customer, Tessa."

"Don't lecture me, Roman."

I really want to listen to the lecture I know she's going to give me but I hear a ding. It could be work, so I pull out my phone and- what the- what? I know Soph was excited for us to meet tonight but she wants me to pick her up? At her place? The place where Drew lives?

"Are you even listening to me?"

I don't even register what she says after that but I do register the aggressive "pat" on my shoulder. "What?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt the extremely important meeting with your phone?"

"God, what is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? This is my place of work, Roman! You cannot come here and go around announcing that you're here on 'family business'. I cannot have people get fidgety."

"Tessa-"

"I am not done. You may have a nice, cushy, well-paying job with dad, but I have my own livelihood at stake here. Not that I'd expect you to understand."

"Tessa. What's wrong?"

"Sure you don't want to add a 'with me' after that?"

"Positive."

"I called the bank today."

"And?"

"I just wanted to confirm our meeting but they said it wouldn't be necessary. Because they wouldn't approve my loan."

"Why?"

"Something about a lack of collateral."

"What about the house?"

"It isn't in my name. Roman, the only asset which I could probably offer and have it stand up is this place and now...now I'm going to lose it."

I don't know whether I should say something right now or just listen to her. Tessa isn't one to appreciate two hugs within the span of three hours, so that's out of the question.

"Okay, I'm done now."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I just...I had to rant. And I ranted. And now it's out of my system. And now I can go back to work."

"That cannot be healthy, Tessa."

"I'm sure my therapist will hear about it."

"You have a therapist?"

"Go away, Roman."

It's ironic that she told me to go away because she's left me standing all alone in her office. I can't help but lean over her desk and see what pictures she has of us. And of course it's the one picture I absolutely hate. Typical.

"Roman?"

Okay, she's back now. "I wasn't snooping," I practically yell, trying to stop the frame from falling off the table.

"You still need to pay for your coffee."

*

I don't know what the proper etiquette is for a "friend date", but I decided to with flowers. Jasmines. I know Soph loves them. I never really knew why but I like to think it's because they're small and beautiful and fragile and overlooked. Like Soph. I take a deep breath, roll my shoulders back and ring the doorbell. I feel myself smile a little as I hear faint footsteps behind the door.

"Roman, hey!" Soph beams. Even in her worn out jeans and simple graphic tee she looks breathtaking. I don't know how she does it.

"You can come in, you know?"

"I know," I laugh. "I just wanted you to invite me in." As I step into her apartment, I cannot stop myself from smiling. It is...it is entirely Soph. It's homey but screams 'fun'. "If you wanted to head out, he should probably leave now, because the forecast says it'll rain soon," I say as I hand her the bouquet of jasmines, which she accepts, beaming.

"Thank you for these, Roman. They're beautiful," she squeals as she buries her nose in the flowers. "And, umm...I thought we could just stay in. Sight-seeing is no fun when it rains and I spent 45 minutes on my hair, so if I can avoid humidity getting the best of them, I will."

"You look beautiful, Soph."

She blushes, tearing her eyes away from mine. "You look beautiful too."

"Soph, I really did want to talk to you. Last time we...talked, I asked you something. And I didn't get an answer. So I need you get some things out of the way because I don't know how much longer I can hope." She doesn't ask what I'm hoping for, which I'm grateful for because it means she already knows.

She nods, biting her lower lip anxiously. "Okay, that's fair. Shoot."

"I need you to be 100% honest."

"I promise."

"Why are you marrying Drew?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I should have asked you that. I should've told you. Don't marry him."

"You had your chance, okay? You can't do this now."

"Do what?"

"Make me fall in love with you."

"I'm not making you do anything, Soph."

"I have to marry him."

"You don't have to do anything."

"I said yes."

"Soph, you're not bound to-"

"No, no. you don't get it, okay? You don't... I...I did everything right. So this needs to work. I need it to work."

"Please let there be a 'but'."

"There is," she nods.

"Tell me."

"I'm not in love with him."

Holy shit. She just said that. I always assumed but she just said that. I do a double take. I need to be absolutely sure right now. "What do you mean you're not in love with him?"

"You were right the very first night. I mean, I'm not staying because I love him and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him."

"But you knew that before."

"I feel suffocated, Roman. It's exhausting. I-"

Then a song starts playing out of the blue. No, not a song. It's a ring tone. It isn't mine. Oh hell, not now. God, if you're listening we really need to work on your timing.

"I'm sorry, I really need to answer this."

"It's an unknown number."

"Yeah, but what if it's important?"

"Okay, yeah. Answer it."

Soph's turned away from me before I even finished the sentence. I impatiently tap my foot on her carpeted floor waiting for her to come back so we can resume our potentially life changing conversation.

"Yes, this is she. Yes, of course I know him, he's my fiancé. What? Why?" Soph's rubbing her forehead. She always does that when she's worried. And right now she's worried about Drew. There's silence on her end of the phone and I try to fight off the jealousy I feel rising in my stomach. But it's gone as soon as Soph turns to face me, tears slipping down her cheeks. She sniffles and her voice breaks as she asks the next question.

"Which hospital?"