Sophia, who art thou?

28. ANDREW

"Am I extremely hopped up on painkillers or is that really my fiancé?"

I shiver as I see Soph enter my room and glance at the monitors I'm hooked up to. I don't think she heard me say anything.

"Your heart rates up," she whispers as she sits down where Avery was just a few minutes ago.

"That's all I get?"

Sophia sighs. I reach for her hand, but she withdraws. And it seems to be intentional. "Soph? What's wrong?"

"Does it hurt?" she asks. Her voice is doing that thing where it gets all low and serious. Usually it's right after when one of us says "we need to talk". And whenever one of us has said that, it has never ended well.

"Little bit. Not so much now."

"Drew, I-"

"Soph, stop. Whatever it is, it can wait. Nothing's more important to me than you being here with me right now."

"Yeah, I have a feeling that might change after I tell you what I wanted to."

"Nothing will change-"

"I'm having second thoughts about the wedding, Drew."

"Okay. So maybe one thing can change that."

"I'm so sorry, Drew. I am. And this...this is not my ideal setting to dump this on you but I can't keep it in anymore."

"Keep what in anymore?"

Soph's head drops. She's fidgeting with her hands. She always does this. And I always chalk it up to anxious ticks. But I get it now. It's not so much to do with being anxious as it does with being uncomfortable.

"Gloves come off?" she asks, still not looking at me.

I fight off a smile. It's our way of saying "no offense, but I'm about to hurt your feelings real bad". But we ask permission first so the other can't get mad.

"Gloves come off," I nod. Well, as much as I can. I think I need to ask the nurse about why my neck's so sore.

"You know how you're always talking about 'the one' and 'soulmates' and 'your one true love'?"

I try to maintain a straight face but the monitors seem to be hell bent on betraying me. I can't wait for Soph to say something so I can actually hear something else in the room. "Yeah...?"

"I don't feel any of that for you."

"Then why do you stay?"

"You're safe. It's easy."

Beep. Beep.

"But you don't love me?"

"Of course I love you, Drew. But not in the 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' kind of way."

"So umm...let me get this straight. You've stayed in what you say is a loveless relationship because it was safe?"

"Drew, I-"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"No. I am not done, Sophia. So how...how exactly does that work, huh? You just wake up one day and decide you hate me? Decide you hate us?"

"Come on, Drew. I don't hate you."

"Then what?"

"I just don't... I just don't love you like I once did."

"Why?"

"I don't think we were...meant to last. I think the good times are over and we need to part ways."

"So you're just giving up on us? Why? And please, for the love of god, be honest. I can't handle lies right now."

"You want the truth?" Sophia laughs. It's almost scary. "Okay, Drew. But remember, you asked for this. I didn't really want to say this but you annoy the living shit out of me. I am just so sick and tired of playing the role you want me to. It is really fucking exhausting."

"And what role is that?"

"The role of 'Drew's girlfriend'."

"Fiancé."

"What?"

"You're my fiancé."

I can't help but wince as I see a dry laugh escaping from Soph's lips. "Not anymore I'm not."

The monitor might as well flat line right now.

"You're actually breaking off the engagement?" My voice is hardly louder than a faint whisper but I'm sure it's loud enough for her to hear the pain and desperation.

"...yes."

Now it's my turn to laugh. It's the only way I can actually cope with my heart being ripped out of my chest. "I think you're scared, Soph. I think you're scared because I am the only person you don't have to pretend around."

So now she looks at me. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

I smile. Ball's in my court now. "I mean, you're not the caring, loving person everyone thinks you are. You are an addict. A con artist. You conned your way into Jade's home. You conned your way into college. You conned your way into everyone's hearts. Everyone's but mine. But you've really done a great job. Everyone believes you're Saint Sophia. But I know better. You're selfish. You used even when everyone begged you to stop. You stole from Jade when she put a roof over your head. You're self-absorbed. Why else would you tell the very girl who idolizes you that she was dead to you, huh? You're manipulative. Why else do all your friends think I'm a dick when the only I've ever done is call you on your bullshit? Soph, you are thoughtless and heartless. You play with people's emotions just because you can. How many years have you been stringing along poor, innocent Roman when you have no intentions of actually being with him? I think, I think, it's been about six years now. Should I go on or...?"

"Stop, Drew. Stop it right-"

"Sophia. The only reason you are leaving me is because I see you for who you truly are. I don't put you on a pedestal. I just see you. All the ugly parts."

"Drew-"

"I am a con gone wrong so you need to cut me off. I am a loose thread that you cannot afford to have. You cannot accept that someone actually saw through you for once. And that is the only reason you're leaving me."

Sophia's head's buried in her hands. Her body's shaking. I've really hurt her, haven't I? This was the last thing I wanted. But it is the truth. "Sophia. I am not the villain of your story. You are."

Sophia drops her hands. Her body stops shaking. Instead, she looks up at me and a maniacal grin makes its way across her face. And she...she's laughing?

"Oh, Drew! You really do know me, don't you?" she's smiling but her grip on my forearm is tightening with each word, her nails digging into my raw skin. She sighs, smiling. "It really is a pity, you know? If only you had been a little dumber, you would've gotten your fairytale love story. Pity," she whispers, faking a frown.

As she's getting off the stool, I can hear my heart beat steady. Thank you, gigantic, not creepy, monitor. But her grip's getting stronger on my arm. Her nails digging deeper and deeper as she pulls me in for a kiss. I don't kiss back because she has never kissed me like this before. It's not a goodbye kiss. It's a better luck next time kiss. I hear Soph whisper something in my ear, her breath soft on my cheeks. But I don't register what she says until she leaves my room. Then the sentence comes back to haunt me.

It's a shame I was the love of your life. Because I will also be the one to end that life.

As the white pattern on the ceiling walls blurs into an indistinguishable haze, that's when I know. That is when I know something is wrong.

Why else would someone call me towards the bright white?