Sophia, who art thou?

35. AMELIA

I wish Noah had listened to me. Not because I love being right. But because fourteen year old Lexi Elliott should not have died tonight.

Noah told me at dinner. He had come home earlier than usual. I asked him why but he just went and locked himself in his room. He came out three hours later. I asked him if he was okay again but he didn't even look at me. When I saw the ring of red surrounding his eyes I thought he was using again. But the reality was far more plausible. Noah Bennett was crying because he had killed a girl with her whole life ahead of her, because in his state of euphoria, he had added another zero at the end of her dosage.

Every word that came out of his mouth was laced with guilt. He never once looked me in my eyes. He never know stopped to ask me what I thought. He told me everything he did even though he had no obligation to do so, I was basically just a squatter, but he did tell me. I think he had to tell someone and I just happened to be there. But the reason why he told me didn't matter. It did not matter at all. Because after the last word of his story left his lips, he broke into a sob. Then another. Then another. He didn't wipe his tears. I think he wanted, no, needed, the guilt to leave his body. The tears were just the conduit.

He turned around and went back into his room. I was glad he didn't lock the door. It felt like a cry for help. So I put out my cigarette and followed him into his room. It was the only place in the house he never let me go into. Noah was curled up on the bed, holding a pillow between his arms. I went and sat next to him, hesitant to touch him. But as soon as I heard him soundlessly sniffle, my hands went around his and I held him while he cried. It was a first for me but it felt so natural. He cried all night long and I held him all night long.

Just as he fell asleep, I pressed a kiss to his forehead whispering against his cheek, "Damn you Noah Bennett", as a tear made its way down mine.