ISSUES 2 II OUTERBANKS S3/S4

if we die

"How would you spend your last day being alive?"

❥

In normal families, children know about their parents' plans and the other way around. In the pogues' case, children don't know anything at all. John B's dad is dead, JJ's dad had left, Heyward and Christian are probably freaking out trying to find Pope and Kiara, Sarah was almost killed by Ward and I only exchanged about ten sentences with my parents during the past ten years.

I didn't get a call on my birthday often. They didn't forget to send me a present, well I think their staff didn't forget about it. Other than that.. my dad only threatened to send me back to New York. I enjoyed mom and I talking so honestly on the Coastal Venture but that lasted for a few minutes before the fight began and I had to leave. I didn't have to, I know, but I had no other chance on an emotional level.

Rafe scoffs not believing my current worries. "Bella, this man just shot someone. I think the conversation about this damn diary is a little more important. After we're free you should come with me so I can bring you back to Harvey and Dana." I furl my eyebrows. That's not what I wanted to hear.

"Rafe, where are you and my parents hiding?", I repeat my question more seriously. "You want to be stubborn? Fine. I'll tell you after you've told me about the damn diary", Rafe replies annoyedly so I shrug. "Guess I might never see them again. I've got no idea about what he's been talking", I deny. "Bella-"

"I'd help us if I could, Rafe", I state. When have I learnt to lie this easily? "This is no game, Bella. It's about our lives." We're going to find another way. JJ and the others are probably already on their way trying to save me. They're not going to let Singh kill me.. or Rafe. They might hate each other but death is no option for a pogue.

"John B and the others probably already know where I am. They're going to help us get out of here." Rafe huffs. "You don't seriously believe that someone like JJ or John B would come and risk their life to save you, do you? They've got no idea what it means to do anything for someone." "How would you know, Rafe? Have you given them a chance for once in your life? JJ defended me in front of his dad without worrying about what would happen because he did it for me."

"And what did he get in return? You dumped me for him, your boyfriend. You picked up a fight with your parents and your uncle and your aunt. Bella, you jumped off that boat for him. You've completely changed your life for that guy who's got no idea what a sacrifice it is! You're a kook, Bella. You're not made for these stupid adventures risking your life just to walk around in the same shirt for weeks. I see how you're suffering. Tell me, did anyone change their behavior in the slightest way possible to be with you or was it only you who had to adjust?"

I hate to admit that I have to think about his statement first. I did give up on my family for JJ and I also lost my kook friends due to this new lifestyle. I've dumped Rafe and I became a reckless person running away from people who'd kill her for a stupid information. But I didn't do it in order to be with JJ.

JJ and I found each other without all of these adventures. I did it for my friends. We started our mission to find the gold because we found that boat by accident at the beginning of summer and there were new messages from Big John that he left for us before he died. We continued because it was Big John's dream to find that gold and John B deserved to find what his dad has been looking for his whole life.

We also didn't give up because we were done being pogues treated as if we're some dirt on the streets. I might have lived a different life before but I belong to these stupid yet loving and heartwarming people whom I love so deeply. Each of them.

"It doesn't matter, Rafe. We're here and we won't get out by telling him something because I've got no idea of what he's talking about and you seem like you have no idea as well." "Well.. If we die tomorrow, we could make use of our time here", Rafe grins shrugging, "The bed looks comfortable." "God, Rafe", I roll my eyes, "I'm not just a body."

"I've told you before to not lie about such opinions, Bella", Rafe replies harshly, "I was just joking in my own way. You know what I'm like. Just don't act like I was only interested in your body ever again." "I'm sorry", I whisper honestly. He's right. I tend to be too harsh to Rafe in some moments. I just can't deal with situations that I can't control but it's my own fault.

"If we die tomorrow.. I'm glad to spend my last evening with you, Rafe", I admit as we lay down in this bed slowly. "I love you, Bella, and nothing could ever change the way I feel about you", Rafe sighs sadly, "I'm sorry for what I've put you through. All this time I was only trying to be a good man for this family and for you. Just please promise me that we'll find a way to spend time with each other when all of this is over."

"If we don't die-" "We won't die tomorrow, Bella.. not you. I'm going to protect you in any possible way. I-" "No, we're doing this together, Rafe. There's no you saving me. You and I are going to get out of here by defending ourselves together", I decide which we agree for. Whatever happens tomorrow, I can't wait to get back home.