ISSUES 2 II OUTERBANKS S3/S4

3 a.m. conversations

"Speak up, it's 3 a.m. so tell me all your thoughts."

❥

I sigh as I lay back in a lounger in the Cameron's garden. Topper has dropped me off two hours ago after we've found out that robbing the train wasn't successfull. God, poor Pope. Cleo said she'd take care of him, otherwise I'd have stayed with him. I also need to thank Topper in the pogues' name. 

Even if he'd owed us, I don't take his help for granted. It's funny how JJ almost falling off that overpass bugs me the most. I wonder why I'm so affected by him and Kie. Of course, I've got feelings for JJ. I don't feel differently about him within a day. But I'm also not someone who whines about life changing. 

If JJ and Kiara fell in love, fine. I'm mad about how they feel for each other and how they communicate it towards everyone else. Kie used to tell me how I shouldn't fall for him because he'd hurt me anyways. Did they feel this way before? Was she jealous and trying to make me stay away from him for her own luck? What if-

"You're still awake?", Rafe asks me as he appears in front of me, his shadow outlined by the moon's light, "It's three o'clock in the morning." "I'm still awake", I confirm, "But you just got back from wherever you've been." "I haven't seen you all day long", Rafe ignores my observation, "Did the pogues get you in trouble?" 

Rafe steps closer so I clap onto the lounger for him to sit down next to me. "No", I sigh, "I got myself in trouble." "What's happened?", Rafe asks worriedly and instinctively takes my hand to stroke over the back of my hand trying to comfort me. "JJ and I broke up", I admit weirdly. 

Rafe must have been waiting for this moment for a long time. He'll just be glad to hear that. I feel so stupid. Rafe's been warning me from the beginning. Topper's tried to make me rethink my decision. Yet here I am crying over a boy without even knowing the exact reason. Despite my feelings, I wouldn't cry over JJ and I breaking up. I accept life as it is. So why the hell am I so affected by it? 

"For real?", Rafe asks looking at me with wide eyes and I nod. "For real." "I'm going to-" "No, it's fine", I quickly interrupt him and push him back on the lounger before he can jump up, "I broke up." "You made the right decision, Bella", Rafe reassures me and lays his arms around me softly, "I know you thought it would work out but you weren't supposed to be together. You won't regret it." 

What's a criteria to know if you were supposed to be with someone? Many fights, drama, a certain feeling? I've got no idea but Rafe might be right. Maybe JJ was right. I was born a kook and I decided to be a pogue. I've made so many decisions to proof it over and over again but he would never believe me. 

JJ is driven by his fears. It wouldn't have worked out eventually. Kook and pogue that might be fine for some people but JJ and Iz.. we didn't make it. JJ made sure of that. If he's willing to push me away so many times, this might just be a signal to tell me I was wrong. JJ is a kind of person who needs to find a reason why feelings should be forbidden between friends. 

Rafe however would always find a way to know why it's working out. "I'm sorry for you but I'm glad that you finally move on from someone who never deserved you", Rafe whispers into my ear as he still holds me close. I nod into his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry for pushing you off the boat", I mumble appreciating the familiar warm feeling that he's giving me. Rafe loosens the grip around me and looks me into my eyes. I can't define what he's trying to tell me non-verbally. He looks relieved but also a tiny bit cold. 

"I'd love to hate you for doing so. I really tried to tell myself that it's over for me", Rafe sighs and takes my hand in his, "What can I say.. I'm a fool for you. Just don't make use of it because one day, I might kill one of these pogues if you keep putting them first. I've been the one who always had your back, not them." 

I nod slowly. Maybe Rafe's right. He's got his issues as well, yes. He's hurt me. But he also made me smile many more times. He's always had my back whenever I've needed him. He didn't let me down or pushed me away. He didn't let his fear rule our relationship. 

He had his moments when his anger issues got worse but I can see that he's working on them. Rafe improved so much that he's at least able to admit any issues. He's a lot more mature compared to a few months and weeks ago. 

"You're right", I agree with him, "Listen, I'm sorry for having been so hard on you. I often didn't feel like I had a chance but I also apologize for everytime that I've hurt you or caused you trouble. You've always had my back and I can't thank you enough for being so caring about me." 

"It's you and I, Bella. Always has been, always will be. You and I. Don't forget it and don't doubt it", Rafe whispers seriously and lays his hand in my neck to hold me. I nod slowly halfway feeling lost in his look. God Rafe and I used to be so close. I shouldn't have let this all happen.. us separating. I shouldn't have stopped believing in him. 

"I'm sorry for whenever I've hurt you, Bella. But no matter what's happened, I've always loved you and you'll always belong to me. I'm giving my best to be a better man each day.. for you. So if you turn your back on me just one more time, I'll freak out like you can't expect it. I'm done playing games. It's either you and I or none at all." 

"I won't let you down anymore, Rafe. But please understand who my friends are. Let's forget about JJ but I grew up with Pope and John B. If you want this you and I to happen again, you need to accept Pope and John B", I make clear. Rafe looks at me like he's trying to understand what I've said. Then he nods, finally. 

"Fine. But one mistake from them and I'll freak out", Rafe agrees so I stand up to get upstairs which confuses him at first, "Where are you going?" "Sleep", I shrug grinning, „We agreed on being a team but I just broke up today. I need some time." "You'll be the death of me, Isabella Scott", Rafe mutters right behind me.