ISSUES 2 II OUTERBANKS S3/S4

intimacy

„Et voila, your own special drink", James grins proudly as he pulls it over to me. My stomach leans against the counter on the other side of it. „What's in it?", I ask wondering what it could be if he knows that I'm not into cocktails. James grins smugly. „Taste it." I roll my eyes but do as he says and take a sip of it. Tastes like a drink I like a lot but still different. 

I furl my eyebrows trying to taste the difference but I don't find an answer. „A hint of espresso rounds up the taste." „I should have known it!", I call over the counter and take another sip, „Great idea." 

„I'm glad we've met when you came back", James surprised me with a confession. „You don't need to do this, you know." „It's just a cocktail", he chuckles knowing exactly what I mean but he tries to avoid this topic once again. 

„You know what I'm talking about, James", I sigh and turn around to have my back lean against the counter. I hear James' footsteps as he walks around the kitchen isle to stop in front of me. „Isa, I.. I want to do this. Talk to you, have dinner with you, build a landing stage with you." 

„But why, James?", I whisper unsurely not knowing what someone like him wants from me, „Why do you do this all of the sudden?" James shakes his head slowly. „Not all of the sudden. I first looked at you this way in high school." „You never said a word. Why? And what do you mean liked me this way?"

„Believe it or not but I liked you in high school. Probably would have gotten closer if Rafe hadn't made the first move. I knew it'd be hard with me being in college so I thought it'd happen someday if we're supposed to meet."

„But why did you think about this in the first place?", I ask even more confused than before. His words make it sound like he's obsessed with me but the way he speaks those words feel so charming as if I'm someone special.

„Remember how my mom and dad divorced during school? You've asked me if I'm glad about it." „I mean sometimes it's better to let go of it", I shrug still not understanding the matter. „You were the only one asking if I'm alright and the only person who thought I'd be glad about their breakup." „As a kid, I wished that my parents would break up", I admit so he knows where my unusual thought is coming from.

„Don't apologize for yourself, Isa. I liked that you said it. This was the moment when I knew you think differently. I wanted to find out more but there wasn't the right time." „Then Rafe and I got together." „Exactly", James nods slowly, „I didn't want to get in between especially as I had no idea if you would even like me or not."

I remember how Kim and I were gushing about how we wanted James to see more in us than just Abigail's friends. „It might be possible that I've had a tiny crush on you in high school", I admit and lengthen the ‚i' in tiny. James' lips grow wide to a proud grin. „Why'd you never tell me?" „You're older and Abi's friend", I say acting like this is enough explanation.

„You know", James speaks up, „You were also the only one who texted me when my parents got back together and your concrete question was if I'm fine with it. You didn't just assume I'd be happy about it." „These were just questions, James", I claim waving it off.

„No, not to me. You simply cared about me enough to text me whether we talk a lot or Rafe would be fine with it. And you didn't expect me to feel certain emotions. To me, it mattered a lot."

I blankly stare at James. James, the quarterback jerk of our Kook high school. James, the soon to be doctor. James, the guy who's never dated a girl yet. He's the first person to acknowledge such simple questions and make me feel worthy just for this. James takes my hand in his. I've got a feeling like he's about to kiss me so I lay my hand on his chest to lightly push him away. „I'm not ready for this." „It's fine, Isa. You-"

„Come on, Kim, I just want to talk." As much as I enjoy talking to James here, Topper can disrupt this peace easily. I hear his voice next to us in the garden through the open window and look outside. „Leave me alone, Topper. It's disgusting how you were drooling after Sarah when I was there. Now you expect me to take you back? You overestimate yourself." „Wait-" „Let go off me!", she suddenly yells. I'm familiar with the tone in her voice. Let go of me as in ‚don't grab me'. 

I instantly let go off James who's been patiently listening as well and follows me outside just a few steps slower so I can confront Topper. „Top, leave her alone", I exclaim harshly pointing to where he still holds her tightly. James casually steps in front of me making sure I can't get too close to anyone. Last time I tried to help I was hit myself. „Send her a message, bro. Why don't you?" 

„I see what's going on here", Topper grins satisfied and lets go off Kim probably without realizing it. He's focused on James. ‚No one tells me what to do' is written all over his face. „Does Rafe know, Bella?", he turns to me as far as he can making me gulp. We've been friends, so close. Yet he puts ego over friends. I've been so caught up in my own anxiety lately that I instinctively reach for James' hand to remind myself that there's a wall between Topper and me. „You're so dead when he finds out." 

„I'm only asking you once, Topper. Get away, now." „What will happen, James, huh?", Topper spits making a move forward but before I can realize it, it's too late and James has beat Topper to the bottom within one swing. I let out a surprised shriek and everyone around us shouts supportive. „Leave, now." James turns back around to me not caring if Topper would go after him. He looks like he's already won. 

„Are you okay, Kim?", James asks her and grabs her arm to check it, „Does it hurt?" „It's fine, James. Thank you both", she smiles at each of us. „Come, sit down with me", James asks me in a completely different tone in his voice holding out his hand as Kim walks past us. As angry as he's been with Topper, he's been just as lovely to me. I take his hand thankfully letting him guide me back towards the house.