ISSUES 2 II OUTERBANKS S3/S4

fate

"Fate or whatsoever. I'm beginning to believe in it."

❥

"Iz-" "Hey, JJ. Why don't you both go home first and think about everything? You need a lot more time to talk about it all", Big John suggest as he appears next to JJ to our surprise. JJ looks at Big John thoughtfully and then back at me. "Yeah", he nods towards me, "Let's think about it." 

"We can talk another day", I agree. Thank god Big John came. Otherwise we would have probably discussed much more and longer. JJ's already getting on his bike. "Why don't you join John B on the porch while I prepare something for the hunt?", Big John asks me and I nod. I need to talk to John B anyways. He's behaved weirdly and Sarah had a worried look on her face when she left. 

"What did you do, big boy?", I chuckle as I sit down next to John B and nudge him, "We're not stupid, you know. You hide something from us." "Dad killed two people", John B suddenly tells me and I look at him with wide eyes. "Big John Routledge? No way. He's-" "Yeah, that's what I thought as well, Iz", John B mumbles and lets his head fall into his hands, "My dad's so addicted to finding the treasure." 

"You're not?", I reply chuckling. John B's just like his dad at times. He can be quite fanatic either. I mean the boy sailed through a storm indirectly caused by this whole treasure hunt. "So you're not going to say anything about dad-" "I am", I interrupt him seriously, "I'm shocked either. Your dad, J, he's been always there for me. Well.. I've seen Ward and Big John more often than my own dad. And I've never expected him to be a murderer. But I won't believe Big John's just a murderer. He's not born a murderer. I believe he had no chance." 

"He had a chance", John B mutters frustratedly and I look up with wide eyes. "There were these men who followed us at the beginning of summer. You know when we found Scooter's boat?" "Yeah I remember that day pretty well", I nod thinking back to how we went to that motel and John B held me so I wouldn't fall off the balcony while Shoupe was in the motel room. That's when it all began. I thought it was dangerous but it just turned more complicated with each step that we moved forward in finding the gold. 

"They broke into Mr. Sunn's house and we got in, they surprised us and stole Tanney's diary. They kind of attacked us but they were also just looking for the diary and dad didn't take it so well.. We chased them with the bus and then on a jetski. We were close to them because dad tried to make a deal but before he got onto their boat, he just shot them." 

"I mean.. were they trying to attack you?", I try to find a reasonable argument for why Big John, a literal hero in the pogues' eyes, would kill someone. Big John's not a killer. "That's what he's saying.." "Have you talked to Sarah about it?", I ask being interested in her opinion. "No.. Dad said it's about us only right now. We'd share the pot later on but now he needs people he completely trusts." 

"Well.. I appreciate you talking to me then", I nod sighing, "But tell the others as well. We're a family and they know that something's wrong with you. I won't tell them now but I think we'll have to sooner or later." "Speaking of family", John B notes, "What about you and JJ? It didn't sound like your usual fight. You weren't all touchy earlier, actually not at all." "We broke up." 

I'm surprised that my voice is so solid. I would cry and laugh at the same time if we weren't used to those situations by now. I wouldn't get used to someone being killed but I have learnt how to handle this mess. Big John killing people.. it's not like Ward hasn't done it. And I still feel safe around the men who watched me grow up. Has my dad killed someone as well? 

What about my mom? How I wish to understand her choices. What if we have to kill someone someday in order to save our own lives? Until now, we survived without hurting someone seriously or intentionally. What if someday pogues wouldn't be pogues anymore? I've never accepted this to be a potential outcome but what if our ways separate? 

"Wow", John B gasps surprised, "I didn't suspect that this would happen anytime soon. How.. are you feeling? What happened?" "Me neither. I.. I think I'm okay", I find out surprised, "I miss JJ, of course I do. But I feel like the reason for which it happened.. it helps. I've heard JJ and Kiara talking about how they almost kissed." "Looks like he's into this family", John B chuckles at first but gives me a serious look afterwards, "Are you really okay?" I nod. 

"How do you understand me? JJ accused me of having done the same with Rafe and stuff. You know how he is." "Of course I understand you", John B smiles at me lightly, "I tend to be quite as disappointed as JJ and Kie but I'm better around you. We've been like siblings for as long as I can remember and I know how you think. I also know how JJ thinks. He mainly turns his attention to food or guns." 

John B stops himself as we're laughing together. "I'm completely fine with JJ being in love with Kiara if that's how he feels. But I expected them to tell me. It's not like this feeling develops within a day. And I know that it's not always been with easy due to my past relationship with Rafe but I've always been honest." 

"Rafe's been your first love, right?", John B nods chuckling, "I used to think it was me, to be honest. But I've realized that it must be him." "Sounds to me like you worry about my love life a little too much", I joke. „I was thinking about it a lot when Sarah and I got together. I didn't know how you would get along once she knows about it." 

"We're Sarah and Bella, the kook girls", I reply cheekily, "We don't let a pogue get in between." "I know why it worked out. You and I are siblings, a family, and were never supposed to be together. Sarah and I however.. we fit. And I hope that JJ and you will find a way to make it, too." 

"I didn't expect you to believe in fate." "All of this made me believe in fate. Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. You'll be fine. I'll take care of it, little sister." "I'll be here forever, J. Us against the world since 2007", I smile. I'm happy for John B and Sarah. But what has fate planned for me?