ISSUES 2 II OUTERBANKS S3/S4

long lost, finally found

"Family's the actual treasure."

❥

The pogues and I meet at the chateau the next day to talk about our plan and how to proceed. I'm late intentionally so I wouldn't have to see Kiara or JJ alone. I'm not in the mood to talk about any emotional topics.

"Look at you, my boy", Big John greets Pope with a warm hug in front of me, "Looking good, Pope." JJ jumps onto Big John's back from behind happily. Right, they haven't seen him already. "JJ", Big John laughs, "I've heard you got the trophy. Treat her right, boy. Isabella's not just a random girl." 

Big John smiles at JJ and points to me but when he notices the cold look on my face. "JJ, don't tell me you-" "It's fine, Big John", I shrug and point at his bag, "Let's talk about something more interesting."

Finally, we sit down and concentrate on our hunt. John B tells us that they've been in Charleston but unfortunately, it didn't work out. They haven't found what they were looking for. "That's it.. the gold, the cross, el dorado. We lost it all", Pope groans angrily. 

God, I feel so sorry for Pope. He's never done anything wrong. But he's the one who lost it all. The cross didn't belong to the pogues or the kooks. Even if we lost it, we never really owned it. But Pope.. it was his. It was meant to come home to its owners.

At least Kie leaves quickly so I feel a little better not having to act nicely around her. I don't want Big John to worry about me, not when he just came back from the dead ones.

"Can we talk?", JJ asks me quietly when we're alone in the front garden of the chateau. I shake my head and try to walk away but he holds my wrist to keep me close. "Get your hands off me, JJ", I snap at him as I turn around and push him away from me with my free hand. 

"Iz, hey, no", JJ huffs, "Don't push me away now. I'm just trying to talk to you." "So what if I don't want to talk to you or even speak to you?", I reply coldly. "God, Iz, calm down. I didn't even kiss Kie", JJ groans making me roll my eyes, "Or is it because of Rafe? I mean, you're staying with him, aren't you?" 

"I'm not discussing this again, JJ. I would have loved to stay with you but when you got back, I've learnt that you're into Kie." "I'm not!" "I've heard and I've seen you guys. I'm not dumb." "You hanging out with Rafe proves you are." 

I sigh heavily. When has he turned into such an idiot? There are three options how he could deal with the situation. Either apologize and fight for me. I mean he's trying to make me understand the situation and forgive him but then there's option two. Accuse me of anything that he's not amused of. He uses Rafe as an argument against me. 

He might not know how I really feel, but he's never asked. I had no intention towards being with Rafe as long as I've got serious feelings for JJ. Him being with Kie surprised me more than it hurt me. What's actually unfair is to use Rafe as an argument for his own mistake when he could just admit that he was wrong and apologize. 

If he came up to me saying that he's into Kie, I might have been hurt but much less than this way. I could have accepted it. Feelings are feelings. If someone falls in love with another person, they can't change it. But they can be honest and responsible towards anyone who's affected. Option three would be my favorite idea at the moment, JJ could be neutral until I'm ready to speak to him. "See, you don't deny any feelings", JJ mumbles. I shake my head immediately. 

"J, if you really want me to talk to you again, you need to understand my point of view. Nothing's about Rafe at the moment. I'm just staying at Tanneyhill because that's where my home was before we all left." "So what's your point of view?", JJ mutters annoyedly. I would have loved to turn around and not tell him as I don't think that he's ready for it but I drop this idea. I'll give him this one chance. 

"As soon as the day started after getting back from Barbados, I stopped by your place to see how you're doing. I've heard you and Kie arguing. I didn't interrupt you guys and I apologize for eavesdropping. That was my mistakes", I admit and continue slowly, "But your conversation made me remember so many conversations we've had. You claiming that I'm a full kook, that you're too bad for me, statements like that. Kie and you didn't talk about me at all. There was no ‚I need to tell her' or ‚We've just hurt her'. She was only trying to make you drop your fears and you were pushing her away. You just proved it yesterday when none of you actually apologized to me or tried to understand my feelings. You don't even need to talk to me about it, okay? I've got no expectations. But then don't talk to me, alright? I'm not letting you accuse me of anything that you've done." 

JJ looks at me with wide eyes which gives me high hopes. What if he understood me? What if he actually apologizes? Would I go back with him if he wanted us to? Would we be friends again? That's it. That's what's freaking me out. JJ has been my best friend before we got together. He just threw it all away. I don't care how he talks to me if I'm his girlfriend because I'm not. But I care about the way he's talking to me as a friend. 

We were so close before and everytime he tried to push me away, I was hurt. I was hurt because he'd never pushed me away as a friend but when it came to a relationship, he lets his fear ruin it all. I understand how he feels and the reasons for these feelings. What I don't understand is how he could treat his best friend like this and how Kie could a boy come between her and her cousin.