I was supposed to check into the mental hospital today. But I couldn't because less than a n hour before my check in, Livi died. And now I feel even more guilty because I feel like I need it more but now I can't leave.
I went. I just made it to my room. I wish I could've brought a pillow and I would've brought Nico's. I did bring lots of his clothes. I miss him already. It's hard to sleep alone because it reminds me of when he was dead. I'm glad my therapist agreed to meet with me here. I don't have a roommate. Which seems good to me. I wonder if Nico would poof in here to see me let him lay in my bed to make it smell like him. Maybe it will make me miss him less. I really just want to sit on the floor and cry, but I need to make it more, my space. I'm glad I could bring my wallflower, it makes my room smell like home. It's so quiet though. There's never a moment of silence at home. There's always some sounds. Especially with the new babies.
I think if livi kills themself I'll probably die
