I'm Entirely Yours, Klaus (Book 3)

CH. 25

TWENTY FIVE:

Saturday: January 19, 2013

Dear diary,

It's been a hard couple of days since I returned to New Orleans. Not only did Camille pass after being bitten by Lucien, the witch ancestors who tampered with Davina's spell to bring back Kol cursed him to bite and kill his lover. Then of course in typical Mikaelson fashion, Klaus went out for blood and revenge. Whilst Freya and Elijah betrayed Kol, by sacrificing Davina instead of saving her to rush killing Lucien.

I don't know who was more livid, Kol or Marcel. They had every right to be. How could you justify sacrificing Davina who was 18 just to give any Mikaelson a better fighting chance at survival of their 1000+ years of life? You couldn't. It wasn't fair in any way. And unsurprisingly, Freya and Elijah stuck together, defending themselves with the words "there was no other choice" as if not doing it wasn't possible at all. It was sickening. The amount of things this family thinks is impossible to avoid. There's ALWAYS a choice. Either take more time to come up with a different plan. Or... make better choices so everything doesn't always come down to life or death. But after all their experiences, and all their brushes with death and surviving, you would think they wouldn't live in such fear at every single threat.

I was beyond pissed myself. This family was separated and I was afraid unrepairable. Kol wouldn't forgive his brothers. I couldn't blame him. And I hate that Klaus has been defending Elijah to me. As if it was impossible to put himself in Kol's shoes. Because what if it was ME?! I'm worth sacrificing? The ends don't justify the means. Why is one life more important than another? Why is Elijah judge, jury, and executioner? As if he couldn't put himself in Kol's shoes either. They would NEVER let that happen to Hayley. Not Elijah, Klaus, Freya, or Rebekah. It's times like this I question my decision to be apart of their lives.

I told Marcel he was family. I tried to play neutral middle man. Because I get why Freya and Elijah did it. And it's not there fault that Davina has died to begin with. But their brother was suffering. He was guilt ridden and heart broken. And they couldn't help him out? Let him have his love? It was wrong. I couldn't imagine what Kol was going through now. Not to mention his feelings of betrayal from his siblings. I caught him packing yesterday. I don't blame him if I never see him again. Not in this lifetime. What good is a family bond if they don't stick by you?

Same for Marcel. Davina was his family and they left her out to dry. They sent her to be destroyed by people who hate her. That was a form of hate within itself. How could they be so heartless and cold? Yet they think Klaus is the only monster in the family. But as Marcel grieves, I worry that the familial bond is gone. For good. I'm not sure how to help repair it. And I won't push. I can't make him forgive them. I feel wrong even thinking it. But I hate to see Klaus so upset and Marcel in pain alone.

Not to mention Marcel has the beastly original formula. I didn't tell a soul about it. Hell, I wasn't sure if he took it. I considered warning Klaus but I was afraid he would overreact. The other part of me feared not telling him at the same time. Because what if Marcel takes it and does something like try to kill one of them? I'd never forgive myself. But I had hoped if he took it, it would just be a way to stop feeling inferior. That it would just put them all on the same level. Klaus and his siblings would have to trust Marcel wouldn't kill them, the same way Marcel has been trusting them for years now. I hoped we'd all eventually with time could move past this transgression.

Yet I still struggled myself to forgive Freya and Elijah. How could I when they made my best friend suffer? How could I when I felt like they would do the same to me? Maybe I've been fooling myself. Klaus says he'd die for me. But now I question if he means it. And I for sure don't expect Rebekah to give a fuck about my life. After what happened to Davina, I wouldn't blame Kol if he wishes ill of me just to show Klaus how it feels. And I for sure can't trust Elijah or Freya. How am I supposed to know my value in their eyes and heart? Am I family to these people? Because I thought that's what we all are. Family doesn't give up on anyone. They could fight for Cami's life after a million tries to save her, up until her last breath. They did everything they could to no avail. Why the hell couldn't they do the same for Davina? And if it risked Rebekah or Klaus again... Would they save me? I doubt it.