𝙊𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 - 𝐵.𝐸

17 - 𝘖𝘶𝘵 𝘖𝘧 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘬

It was the next day after the argument broke out between us. I came back to the hotel room all alone to find her suitcase on one of the beds with a few things taken out. Zoe texted me that Billie was sleeping in her and Ali's tonight, I guess they wanted to know what happened between us. Billie probably didn't mention the fight, she usually keeps those things from her friends.

This morning while I was asleep she apparently punched Kit in the jaw before the principal came and broke it up, or so Jason says, he's pretty hungover from a party the guys went to last night. She was wrong for kissing me but I don't hate her, she just needs to learn boundaries.

We stood in the room face to face. Our voices kept rising as did our emotions. I felt a knot form in my chest and my heart pounding like a set of drums. I kept thinking of how her words last night cut through my heart like knives. Even so I felt a glimmer of hope, like this wasn't really a breakup.

"Bil I understand where you are coming from, okay? If I was you and I saw you kissing another girl I would act the same way but for the last time....I.Did.Not.Kiss.Her. " I sat down on the bed beside her, pleading for us to come to an understanding.

"OKAY MADDY I GET IT! You didnt kiss her but she still kissed you...i'm not even talking about that anymore fuck." She scoffs. I glanced at her head, knuckles bruised.

"Then what are you mad about-"

"I don't care if you smoke weed or drink okay? But we talked about this one time a long time ago and you swore you would never do anything insane like coke and shit. And now the second I leave you WITH her your mind completely changes?" She sat on the chair in the corner of the room, slouching down.

I bit my tongue. The last thing I wanted to do was tell Billie about what I took from Robin, but maybe it was better I did from the dead girl rather than Kit.

"Bil that's not what happened. I need to tell you something...I was going to sooner or later but you need to hear it now even if you hate me." I crossed my legs on the bed.

"I took some from Kit the other night, you're right. But I needed it beca-"

"You needed it?-"

"Bil wait, please just let me finish." I cut her off as she rolled her eyes. "That night...I did something that I never told you about." I told her as her foot stopped shaking and her head tilted up at mine.

"I caught Robin doing coke in the bathroom on halloween, you know at the jackson house? She offered and I said no because I'm not into that. Then later at the cabin when we were getting rid of her, a bag fell from her pocket before we lifted her onto the carpet. " I exhaled , my hands were shaking because a part of me knew she might not forgive me.

"It was the same bag the coke was in on halloween-I mean I think it was the same, they looked alike. Anyways I don't know why I took it....we cleaned up every single spot of the house last night but for some reason I had this feeling like I needed to keep it. So when we changed our clothes and threw them into the fire I put them in my clean pair of jeans without you guys seeing." I made eye contact with her, who was sitting in the same chair I saw Scar in last night.

"I wasn't ever going to use it but I just kept seeing her. I saw Scar  in your room on the ceiling staring at me as you slept, I saw her across the street, I saw her on your picnic table from your kitchen window, I saw her watching me in the shower, in the mirror, in class. I see her everywhere, Billie. I even saw Robin yesterday in the ocean...I can't get rid of them and this is the only thing that helps. " I hated telling her, but at least she was finally listening to me.

"And I know you guys feel it too. I just couldn't talk to you about it Billie, like what you were saying last night...I know I made your life worse by moving there and I know you hate yourself for killing her because of me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for comparing it to you being on prozac, I know you're just trying to move on in life...but I feel like I can't. I'm stuck and I'm scared and the only thing helping me was the coke okay?" I wiped a tear from my cheek, only now realizing I was crying.