i love you, but.. // lierra

8

some trigger warnings may apply

Belong - Cary Brothers

"Do you want to- No." Calum shakes his head. "I wanted to ask you if..Ugh, no." he stares disappointed at himself in the mirror.

"Speak up, Cal." Cory says from the couch.

"What?" he asks, confused.

"You always tell me that if I want people to hear me, I need to speak up. So.." the boy motions to him. "Speak up."

"No, buddy, Calum doesn't want people to hear him, he's rehearsing." Luke replies, sitting beside him.

"What's rehearsing?"

"When you fake do something before you actually do it. To see how it would look or sound, to make sure you're doing everything right." Calum explains, still standing in front of the mirror. Cory nods, trying to look as if he understood. "Luke, are you sure you're not going? You skipped the Halloween party, now Thanksgiving."

"I'm sure." he nods. He's not really in the mood for partying, and crowds make him anxious again. "I don't even go to uni anymore, it'd be weird to show up at every party. So I'll just pick up you and Sierra when you call me."

"Okay, do I look alright?" Calum asks nervously.

"Handsome!" Cory exclaims.

"Agree, I don't even think I'll have to pick you up, you'll probably have a place to stay the night." Luke laughs and pats his shoulder.

Calum smiles and leaves the apartment. On his way to the venue he keeps thinking about the ways to ask Feye out. He may hate to admit it, but he's fallen for her and he can't go on like this any longer. Sex just isn't enough for him, and even though they do all the things couples do, he has no idea where they stand as they've never talked about it. And Calum isn't even a person who seeks a relationship, but it's so different for him with her. After the intimate parts they often talk, and Calum enjoys it. Calum enjoys talking - that's absurd.

Moreover, she's smart, she's interesting, and they have amazing time together. They've spent nights talking about their non-favourite movies or what food would make them throw up as kids. Calum told her about his parents, about Cory, his fears and thoughts. She told him all about her dreams and how she wants to travel half of the world after university. He knows they're not a perfect couple or a match made in heaven, but he wishes so much to be with her that it starts to become unbearable.

When he arrives to the venue, he meets up with Sierra. She's wearing a gorgeous suit as it's already cold, and Calum and her even kind of match, actually.

"Are you nervous?" she asks, fixing his suit a bit and going over his look with her eyes.

"As fuck." he exhales. Calum wouldn't describe himself as a confident person despite his attractiveness and great personality. He really wishes he could, but he can't help being self-concious.

"Just speak from your heart." she reassures him. "You'll do great, I promise."

He nods and they enter building together. They spend a couple of hours together with Feye, chatting, drinking and dancing, before Sierra leaves the two of them alone. Calum has been distracted the whole evening, which obviously didn't go unnoticed, even though he tried to hide it.

"Are you alright? You seem off." Feye asks him. She tries to make him look at her, but Calum is too busy looking aimlessly into the crowd.

"Okay, yeah." he nods, but he has to be very oblivious to think that she bought his lies.

"Come on, what's wrong?" she asks again, touching his arm anxiously. That's when it hits Calum - this is the moment. He won't get a chance like that again.