i love you, but.. // lierra

32

hoax - Taylor Swift

"August, so this month, is the last month I'm getting any financial help from the government." Calum says while all three of them spend this Sunday afternoon in his kitchen. He keeps playing with the silver ring on his middle finger, visibly ashamed to tell his friends the truth. "I need a job right now. A good job. Or they'll take him away."

"What? You mean, in the system?" Luke frowns.

Sierra's mind is already skipping ahead to possible consequences. "They can't do that! He's our-! He's ours; Cory can't go to an orphanage."

"Maybe I can reference you? Is that a thing?" Luke turns to her, like she knows all the answers. "Can I reference someone as a former worker?"

"You can try, for sure." She shrughs.

"Thank you, Luke."

"But you'll tell us if money gets tight, right?" Luke covers Calum's hand with his. And of course, Calum will never ask them for money, but he still nods at him. "Maybe you need a flatmate? To split the bill like we did?"

Calum sighs heavily at his suggestion, trying to prepare himself to tell Luke the things he's been thinking about even since he decided to move out. He clears his throat, coughing, but it's still not enough to give him the confidence he needs.

"Sierra, would you give us a moment?"

She raises her eyebrows at him, but still gets up. "Oh wow, okay."

"Sorry."

"No, no, it's fine." She puts up her hands in the air. "Just didn't know we had secrets within the group."

"Sierra." Luke turns to take her hand, but she's already too far away.

"Talk all you want; I don't mind." She shakes her head, disappearing into Cory's room.

Luke sighs, turning to Calum, expecting him to speak up, but he's silent, looking down.

"I don't know." Luke answers his unvoiced question. "She's been like that for a couple of weeks now, since my birthday. Really edgy. I'm too scared to ask; I feel like she'll yell at me." he chuckles.

Calum returns the smile. "She hasn't been successful with the job either?"

"She went on a few interviews, but that's it for now."

He drove her to each of them and watched her come out of the building with a huge smile, but then not get a callback.

"Maybe that's the problem." Calum shrugs. "Now about what I wanted to say." he starts, feeling his ears turn red. "Fuck, I kinda want to hold your hand, but it's weird." he laughs nervously. Luke simply offers him his open palm.

"You're not gonna tell me you're in love with me too, are you?" he eases the tension, and Calum exhales with a smile and shakes his head.

"You know I won't allow a stranger to live in here with Cory. It has to be a good friend, at least. But.. friendship with you really fucked me up." he says the last sentence quietly. Seeing Luke's frown, he continues, "Not in a bad way, but in a way that it doesn't feel that good with anyone else, and I can't stop myself from comparing everyone with you. And no one can reach your level."

He's thought about it numerous times since Luke left, and he can't find anyone to live with. Ashton has his own place, plus his working schedule wouldn't be in favour of Cory's sleeping habits. Calum's university mates cannot be truly trusted; he's never been that close with them. The people he knows from his part-time jobs are known drinkers. Basically, he has no one.