ValleyVille

Traumatized

Bellas POV
Im in Spades room watching tv. Well, sort of. Ive been scrolling through netflix for thirty minutes. Everything I usually watch, I cant. It all scares me now. I usually love horror and murder and action stuff, but now I cant stand it. I heard a door close and I jumped. The controller slipped out of my hand and onto the floor. I reached down and grabbed it. "You feeling anymore normal babe?" Spade asks coming in. He closed his door lightly. "No" I say looking down. He sat next to me and pulled me into his lap. "Im sorry I cant be more helpful" he says. "Dont say that. You're already doing so much for me. I owe you so much that I probably wont be able to repay in this lifetime" I say. "Yes you will. Just marry me and we're even" he says. I laughed. He smiled. "Do you want to go back to your house? Maybe going there can give you some closure" he says. "Yeah... I wonder how many of our fish died" I say. "You have fish?" He asks. "In my dads office, yeah" I say. "Yeah we should probably go" he says. "Can we go tomorrow? After school?" I ask. "Yeah, of course. Whenever you're ready" he says.

The bell rang and I walked out of class. I walked down the hall as kids ran and shoved and slammed their lockers shut. I closed my eyes tightly and walked slowly. The noises only bring me back. I opened my eyes feeling the cool breeze of the doors that go outside. I got outside and took a deep breath. I walked up to Spade. "You ready?" He asks. "Yeah, come on" I say.

I unlocked my door and we walked inside. I walked into my dads office. "Wow, three out of five lived. Surprising" I say. I took the net from beside the tank and scooped them out. "Be a dear wont you" I say handing the net to Spade. He took it and walked to the bathroom. I fed the fish in the tank and they ravaged at it like hungry wolves. I decided to drop one of the week long feeders in there. I looked around my dads office. Seeing the pictures of us and of them. I found the most recent photo and put the frame down. I dont want to look at it. "You cant hide in this room the whole time" Spade says. I turned to look at him. He's leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed and one leg crossed over the other. Its dark in here and with the low lighting, he kinda looks evil. "Stay still" I say. I took a picture of him in this stance. "New lock screen" I say happy with myself. He laughed and turned on the light. "Come on babe" he says. "No, Im not done in here" I say. He sighed and waited. I kept looking around the office. My eyes got caught on the top shelf. "Tall boyfriend. Reach up there" I say pointing. "Im like, two inches taller than you" he says walking to me. He went on his tip toes a grabbed the photo frame from the shelf. "This what you wanted?" He asks showing it to me. "Yeah" I say looking at it. "Who is that?" He asks. I smiled at the photo. "Thats my mom" I say. "You have a mom?" He asks. "She was my dads surrogate" I say taking the frame into my hands. "Did you ever meet her?" He asks. "When I was little yes. She was friends with my dads but then she moved away" I say. "Maybe you should call her. Maybe she can help you feel better" he says. "Maybe, come on. I wanna get my phone charger so I dont have to steal yours" I say.

I never thought about calling my mom. Probably because I have no connection to her. I found my dads contacts and called her number on my phone.

"Hello?" She asks. Suddenly I have no voice
"H- hi" I stuttered.
"Who is this?" She asks
"Um- B-bella" I kept stuttering
"Bella... Wolf?" She asks
"Uh huh" I say
"My daughter! How are you?" She asks. Tears welled up in my eyes
"I uh... not good" I say
"Whats wrong? You sound sad" she says. I took a shaky breath
"I um... I would really appreciate if you could come to town. I understand if you cant, I just... really need to see you" I say
"Wheres your father?" She asks. A tear slipped down my face
"Just come to town please" I said, now crying
"Ok Bella. Just hang in there, Ill be there as soon as I can. Are you ok for now?" She asks
"Mhmm" I hum.
"Alright. Ill see you soon dear" she says
"Bye" I hung up

I collapsed on my bed and curled into a ball. Tears just started rushing out of me. I havent let myself actually get over what happened because I dont want to think about it. The pain. The hunger. The thirst. The fatigue. It all came rushing back to my mind with those three words. "Are you ok?" That question haunts me now. Everywhere I go, thats what I get. Either that or "how are you holding up?" Like they dont already know the answer. I say Im fine and that Im doing good but Im not. In all honesty, Im traumatized. I dont understand how people move on from things like this. I used to be strong, independent, and daring. Now I cant even look at my netflix list. I hang onto Spade for dear life and I can barely walk down the hallway at school without disintegrating.

"Did you call her?" Spade asks. "Mhmm" I say. "And?" He asks. "Shes on her way." I say. He stared at me for a moment. He's thinking. "Did something happen? You dont look good" he says. I want to make a sarcastic remark but I cant right now. "Just take me home. I dont want to be here anymore" I say. "Ok" he says. Spade has been a gentleman to me. He hasnt pushed me to talk about it or to do anything to extreme. Im thankful for that. I know he still has questions. Everyone does, but Im not ready to talk yet. Im not ready physically or mentally. I know that if I try to talk about it, Ill break down. This whole thing is giving me PTSD. "My lady" Spade says opening the car door for me. I smiled. "Thank you" I say getting in the car. He left the door for me to close. I closed my eyes tight and shut the door. Car doors are always to loud for me now. God I feel like a wimp.

"I left this morning. Should be there in a few days. Ill text you again when Im there. Do you want me to go to your house?" Mom asked. "Yeah" I texted back. "Sorry babe. I guess that was a bad idea" Spade says. "Its ok. You tried. At least I fed the fish" I say trying to be optimistic. He smiled lightly. "Are you ready for spring break?" He asks changing the subject. "Yeah" I say. "What do you wanna do?" He asks. I shrugged. "My mom is going with Connor on a trip and Ace will be with Kari most of the time so, we can do anything we want" he says. "That does sound intriguing" I say with a laugh. "Just think about what about you wanna do and Ill comply" he says. "You become such a simp" I say. "Im only trying to be enough for you" he says. I took his hand in mine. "You're more than enough for me. I kinda liked it when we had silly fights." I say. "You mean, when you got to prove me wrong?" He asks unamused. "Exactly" I say happily. He chuckled. There was a short silence between us. "Thank you for being patient with me" I say. "Of course. Youve been handling everything so well. I know it must hurt. The least I can do is give you your space" he says. I smiled. "I picked a good boy" I say. "Please dont call me that" he says. "No promises" I say.