Loving Grant

Breaking Point

***TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Abuse***

Today was the worst day of my life. It feels strange to say, but I don't think I love my mom anymore. She's a liar. She promised it would be quick, but an hour and 2 minutes is a long time to be doing something like that. Mom said it's called pleasing and everyone has to do it. I used to think that pleasing was a good word, but I hate it so much now. She told me we would lose everything if I didn't make her friend happy. Her friend has a husband though, so I don't understand why he can't make her happy. Isn't that a husband's job? I saw parts of this girl I didn't even know existed. I was worried but mom said that you can't get a girl pregnant by pleasing her like that. She also taught me about condoms, which was gross. All I know is I rinsed my mouth out with mouthwash a hundred times and I still can't get the taste out of my mouth. I saved my siblings though, now they can grow up with the best of everything. I'm proud of myself for doing what needed to be done. I am glad she didn't go to one of them first because they may have done what I did. I think it's best we keep it my mom and I's secret, like she said to. Mom told me I am going to become a man tomorrow and loose my virginity. I didn't know what that meant so I looked it up and now I'm super nervous because I don't completely get what I'm supposed to do. I want to be a man though and mom says its fun for men. I'm super confused and I'm hoping I can pretend to be sick tomorrow, so I won't have to do this. However, I'm nervous she'll make someone else do it if I refuse and I can't bare that.

Anyways, ummm goodbye,
-G

I throw the diary across the room with all the force in me and break down into tears. This explains why Grant is so weird about sex and all things related. It also makes sense that he hates his mother, she's an awful person who should be in prison. I want to have her arrested, but I need to talk to Grant about this first. He wouldn't want anyone to know, and court can become pretty public. I burry my head in my pillow and cry until I'm dehydrated and my body is physically incapable of forming more tears. I want to run and hug Grant. I almost do until I remember that this is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard, but it doesn't explain why Grant is acting the way he is right now. There's more. I can't fathom how there could be more, but there must be. If I talk to him about all this right now, he's going to get scared away from telling me anything else.

I compare loosing my virginity to how Grant lost his and wish that I could switch places. It's all so unfair.

I want nothing more than all my friends to be happy, but we're all miserable right now. I call Vanessa, having the strong desire to check on her.

She answers on the last ring. "Hey, I was sleeping again, what's up?"

"Are you okay?" I ask, sincerely wanting to know.

"I could never let myself not be okay because of a man, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurting." V clears her throat. "Are you okay?"

I can feel my heart getting weaker. I feel so bad for her. "I'm not okay until you are. Let's do something to take your mind off things." I force my cloudy brain to think. "Wanna have a self-care day tomorrow after I leave the courthouse? We could go shopping, out to eat and get our nails done."

"I would love that so much!" Her tone is a little happier, which makes me a little happier. "How was court anyways?"

"It's a long story that I will definitely fill you in on when I get more information tomorrow. Nothing really makes sense right now to be honest." I lay my throbbing head back onto the pillow. "Want to meet at around noon tomorrow?"

"I'll be ready."

"I love you V."

"I love you too Z."

When she hangs up the phone, I feel sick again. I need to see her soon, she's the only person who can lighten my mood. There are some problems that only a best friend is able to fix.
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The next morning, I take my time getting ready because I don't have the energy to move fast. Court concludes with a happy ending, Grayson and Safiya get full custody of their son. I am so happy for them and am so glad to see there's still some good in the world.

I arrive at V's house at the exact time I told her the day before. She comes out looking amazing in her blue sundress. We run into each other's arms like a movie and just stay in the moment for awhile.

V laughs. "I should be an actress too, because I'm just as dramatic as you are."

She's joking but I actually love the idea. "V, you should be an actress."

"That's what I just said." She giggles.

I grab her arm. "I'm serious." She looks at me confused and a little afraid. "Would you want to work with me?"

A perplexed Vanessa stares back at me. "Work with you? I literally have no training, no agent and I am not doing well in LA at all."

"You've been training your entire life. Think about it; how many times have you had to act a certain way to convenience others? The only difference would be you'd get paid for it." I smile. "There's auditions coming up this week for a female lead that I think you'd be perfect for! I'll recommend you so all you'd have to do is practice some lines with me and show up at a time you choose."

She looks intrigued. "Do you really think I'd be any good?"

I nod excitedly. "I think you'd be way better than good."

Vanessa looks in awe before she joins me back in reality. "Thank you! We can maybe try out some lines and see if you still think that afterwards." She chuckles. "For now, let's go shopping!"

Since it's Monday the mall isn't super packed and I've never been more happy to not see a lot of people. We start the evening off by searching for a dress that Vanessa saw online that she fell in love with. Once we find it, we're both starving so we decide to go to the food court to get a snack.

"Are you craving Annie Ann's as much as I'm craving Annie Ann's?" Vanessa digs for her wallet as she asks.

"More." I reply, completely serious. Nothing sounds more heavenly than a pretzel right now.

She looks pleased with that answer. "I'll pay since you just spent hours helping me find that dress."

I take her wallet and put it back in her purse. "I was honored to assist. You can pay when you become rich and famous next week."

She blushes and shakes her head. "No, it's okay I'll pay!"

"Cinamon pretzel and a blue raspberry slushie?"

"Yes, but..."

"No buts, you said you had to pee anyways, I'll go get our food and meet you at one of these booths."

She hesitates then nods. "Okay, thank you Z."

I smile. "No problem! Now go pee before you explode."

"Yeah, I'm going to run." She laughs and speed walks away.

After I grab our pretzels, my eyes are drawn to a tall, skinny woman who is talking on her phone. My feet move towards her against my will. I know her, but I can't remember how.

The second her eyes meet mine I know who she is and I pick up my pace until we're face to face. What I do next is something I've never done before. I slap her hard across the face.