Your Cold Breath | Dazai Osamu.

8. ༺Crybaby༻

Warning: This chapter contains su!cide, abu$e, g0re , all angst and disturbing messages.

DISCLAIMER: Almost this entire chapter will be using slanted words (Ex: like this ) as a way to describe a backstory or memory.

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I look at the figure standing in front me, it's looming over me and casting it's horrifying shadow against me, who stands at the door? I can't see the person at all... their face is covered with the light behind them. Police sirens screaming in the background and cops running around are the only things I can see in front of me. I couldn't care less about the figure in front of me, All I can think about is Racheal's recordings..

...

"She disappoints me so much, I truly do wonder if she loves me or not."

"Why though? She hasn't done anything to you"

"Hasn't done anything to me? pfft, she's ruined my life by existing."

"But.. you gave birth to her, You shouldn't complain"

"I'm her mother, I have every right to complain.."

"Why? if you're her mother you shouldn't degrade her this much. She's still a child, you can't expect too much from her-"

"Keep quiet, I'm only hitting her and shouting at her because I'm her mother and I love her. I want the best for her"

"If you truly love F/N.. You shouldn't abuse her like this."

"... get out."

This conversation I overheard, It basically described my entire life. I looked at my bruises and then took one last glance at my father, she had thrown him out , he vanished from my life. He wanted the best for me, I love my father for that, but he was done with this crazy woman in his life that I called... My Mother.

Hearing Racheal's recordings made me sick, it only reminded me of my mother. The sick abuse she went through, her voice slowly becoming more quiet and descending to insanity, the way she described everything, making it clearly obvious she just wanted it all to end... wanted.. herself.. to end.. It was all so relatable. I was so horrified of the gruesome recordings because it reminded me of myself, my father, my mother.. even though I did not have siblings, I still felt so connected to the audios.

Racheal... I hope you rest in peace.. i will avenge you. I won't let your sacrifice be in vain, I will get rid of the world's horrible people, I will lock them up, and even kill them if that is what you want. Your last wishes and breath won't be wasted and locked away forever, I will make sure of that.

"A 96?? you lost so much marks and for what? the questions are so easy. Back in my day my parents would have shoved my hand inside a pot of hot water if I even got a 98. You should be grateful I'm this nice to you."

"But Mother.. I.. I tried my best.. I swear.."

"Are You Talking Back To Me?"

"NO NO MOTHER I AM NO-"

"SHUT UP YOU USELESS DUMB CHILD, ARE YOU RAISING YOUR VOICE AT ME? HOW DISGRACEFUL."

"MOTHER BUT..."

"But..."

Say it.. please just say it. Please.. let out your feelings before you break apart... please..

"I..."

"I am sorry mother, I'm sorry for raising my voice and talking back.."

Of course you didn't say it, it's not as if letting out my feelings to my so called Mother would have helped, but I just want to talk to somebody. I wanna let out my feelings and pour out my emotions without feeling like a disgraceful burden. Is this how it's supposed to be? Am I supposed to feel this way? Did I do something wro- no.. what am I saying?.. Of course I did something wrong. I'm stupid, dumb people should not exist, so why am I acting like the victim?.. I'm just being.. dramatic. Yea.. I'm being dramatic, I'm not a victim, I'm okay.