Your Cold Breath | Dazai Osamu.

12. ༺Life Of Dazai༻

Author's Note-
Some of the sentences mentioned will be including ' No Longer Human ' and ' The Setting Sun ' quotes by the actual Dazai Osamu.

WARNING:
Mentions of su!c!de, blood and death

Dazai's POV:

Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.

I can't remember the last time I ever felt real emotions like:

Sadness, Love, Guilt , Shame, Greedy.. Happiness and Anger.. 

But finally I felt anger, and it hurt. It hurt so bad, I felt so much anger boiling inside me. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill..

Mori Ougai.. 

I finally felt free, free to be taken away from the cruel world. I wanted to join the Port Mafia because I wanted to feel those emotions that everyone else felt normally, I wanted to feel... human, for once. 

But once I did enter this new mafia world, Mori ruined everything for me. He abused me terribly to "be a good executive" and eventually I ended up getting the title of the Youngest Port Mafia Executive in history. I hated that it made Mori proud, he praised me for it but then went on with his abusive tactics like always. 

Everything I've done for him meant nothing, he just treated me like a candy. He treats me like a candy that was given to a kid but once the kid removes the wrapper and sees how horrible the candy tastes, the kid just throws it away to the trash or the ground as if it meant nothing, not even trying to give it a chance, that's how Mori treated me and viewed me.

I am nothing but a cruel person.. no.. in fact, I do not deserve to be called a human or person. I am a monster, A monster that must die. Though.. The thought of dying has never bothered me, but getting hurt, losing blood, becoming crippled and the like--no thanks.

All I felt after meeting Mori was Anger and.. Unhappiness. There are all kinds of unhappy people in the world. I suppose it would be no exaggeration to say that the world is composed entirely of unhappy people. But those people can fight their unhappiness with society fairly and squarely, and society for its part easily understands and sympathizes with such struggles. My unhappiness stemmed entirely from my own vices, and I had no way of fighting anybody.

I suffered my life in the mafia, struggling to find a purpose. I thought the only way to find happiness was by entering a battle field, it would be much better than living a pathetic boring life. But then.. I finally found my happiness. 

Sakunosuke Odasaku 

I was just drinking at my usual Lupin Bar, but when I met this strange kind man who was also in the Mafia and started talking to him, I feel a weird feeling. Happiness.. this is happiness.

Odasaku is my friend, I cared for him, I cherished him with my entire heart. He was the only friend of mine that understood me, he made me forget all about Mori and his abusive nature. I could forget all my problems around him. 

I felt human for once. 

But then.. 

He died. 

He left me.. 

As I found out Mori's ridiculous plan and ran to find Oda and save him, he was on the ground, bleeding violently. 

"ODASAKU!!"

I remember yelling his name as I ran towards him and held his bleeding cold body in my arms. His blood flowed onto my hands as he stared at me with his shining clear blue eyes. He slowly put his hands to my face and removed my bandages slowly, his hands slightly shaking from the pain and overflow of losing blood. 

"Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but... saving others is something just a bit wonderful."

Odasaku says in a soft and calming voice as his hands slowly leaves my face. My eyes slowly widen as I feel his heart beat getting slower..

And slower...

and slower....

and slower.....

and......

he's gone. 

...

It's time I left the mafia, it has been two weeks after all. I am done living in this place of constant war and bloodshed. Should I tell F/N about leaving? after all, It has been quite a while since I had went to Lupin Bar, she must be worried..

No, who am I kidding? She's a prisoner here, she's only nice to me because I'm the reason she's still alive. I might as well leave the mafia and request Mori to let F/N go. I admit that I feel a bit bad for F/N being prisoned here since all she did was witness Akutagawa's ability, but I'm glad I met her.

I hope I meet her again someday, that is.. 

If she is alive in the future.

...

"Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency." 

The woman with short purple hair that wears a butterfly hair clips says with a welcoming smile. 

"I am Yosano"

"I'm Ranpo!"

"I am Kunikida."

The three people in front of me introduces themselves with me with a smile, How ever, the man with the glasses and dark blonde hair introduced himself while he was writing down a list.

I smile at all of them widely and puts my hands on my hips and clear my throat with confidence.

"I am Dazai Osamu, Nice to meet you all!" 

...

"Kunikidaaa~~ I'm boooreddd!!!" 

I say as I whine and pull Kunikida's cheeks so he can pay his attention on me. 

"Stop pinching my cheeks before I smash your head onto the wall Dazai." He says as he glares at me with an annoyed expression while fixing his glasses. "But I wanna do somethingggg" I say as I pull on his cheeks more as I continue to whine with a frustrated pout. 

Kunikida continues to type on his laptop and then suddenly bonks the back of my head with a book while not looking at me. "Take this book idiot, it has all the nearby places you can visit here" Kunikida says with an annoyed expression as he continues to type fast on his laptop. I give him a wide smile and snatch the book from his hands and run to the door fast. Before I open the door I turn back and look at Kunikida and yell "THANK YOU KUNIII~~" before storming out the door. 

As I finally reach the café I give the book to one of the waitresses and ask them to hold it on for me and give it back once I leave the café, the waitress nods and I hop happily inside the café while looking for a seat. 

"Agh how annoyingg~ there's no seat-" Before I can continue my words I notice a pretty woman sitting alone as she drinks her coffee. She has beautiful e/c eyes, soft and [hair length] h/c hair, a cute face and pretty hands, they look perfect for choking. 

I slowly approach the beautiful lady with a smile. "Hello there, Mind I sit here?" I ask her, but before she can respond I sit on the chair with a cheeky smile. "What's your name pretty lady?" I ask her as I cross my arms in front of my chest, waiting for a response. 

"I'm F/N L/N, what about yours?" 

What a pretty name.. I should totally be friends with her. 

"My name is Dazai Osamu, you can call me Dazai.. or whatever you like~"