i just want to be fucking liked
i'm tired if the ur time will come bullshit
bc i feel like i try so hard
and it's so annoying i cry over this
but why can't i be pretty enough
why am i not funny enough
why am i not enough for a guy to want me
i can't keep doing it
it suck's so much
it hurts so much
god i hope this guy works out
i do
i don't believe in god
but please let this one work out
i can't keep doing this cycle
i actually talk to him
and not just on snap
and i know maybe i shouldn't ignore some of the flags
but he's already the better than the rest
please please please
let me have him
let me fall in love with him
let me treat him better than his ex
please please please
don't let this be a stupid summer thing either
i wanna do the cringe fall shit with him
go to homecoming with him
watch scary movies with him
i wanna get to know him
please please
bc if this one doesn't work out maybe i will be okay eventually
but i can't keep being alone like this
i can't keep feeling like this
it suck's feeling so undesirable
feeling so unworthy
i know he won't be forever i know
but i want him to be my now
i know i'm desperate
and stupid
and insecure
dramatic
the list goes on
but please please please
i can't do this anymore
it hurts so bad
and i'm trying so hard bc he's worth it
please
i'm begging
whoever the fuck is god or has control that i don't please let this work
yeah i'm sure i'll move on if not that's how the cycle works
but i really don't want to this time
i really want to call him mine
and wear one of those stupid initial necklaces and hug him
and hold his hand
and paint his nails
but only with him
no one else
i want to watch fucking anime with him
fucking anime
and i want him to teach me to play soccer
and meet his parents
listen to his music
hold his hand instead of high five it
put my head on his shoulder
run my hands through his hair
stare as his freckles without worrying if he sees me looking
make him laugh every day
i want to kiss him
i want him to want to kiss me
and want him to want to get to know me
meet my dog that he thinks is so cute
and go to my basketball games even though i suck
i don't think i've actually ever felt this way
it's not love
but i want it to be
please please please please please please
that's what i say to myself all day and all night and when i talk to him and when i'm not
please please please please
let it work
please
please
YOU ARE READING
words i'll never say
Poetrydon't read this its probably very triggering i shouldn't publish it but i think it'll make me feel a bit better it's shit too it's not a poem or anything just my thoughts when i'm freaking out over nothing
