words i'll never say

ix

i just wanted to love you
that's all
i didn't want to hurt you
i just wanted to hug you
and look you in the eyes
and hold your hand
why doesn't anyone want my love
i wanted to wear a stupid necklace with his initial on it
and put a heart next to your name
most guys don't even let me think to that part
and you convinced me that one day i'd say i love you
and you'd say it too
but your just trying to heal
and you hope i understand
you've only been single for three months
i've been single for two years
my heart just wants to love
my heart is so tired of hurt
i know i'm dramatic crying over a high school guy
i know we wouldn't have been forever
that was okay with me
i didn't expect forever
i just wanted a chapter with you
i wanted to sing taylor swift songs about you
the ones like love story and enchanted
not august
not the break up songs
i wanted you as my background on my phone
i wanted your phone number
and i wanted to call you when i was upset
you said i could talk to you about stuff
i can't do that
you know that
you promised i could
why would you promise when you knew you didn't mean it
it's not fair
i think my eyes are permanently swollen from crying the night i knew it was over
before it was actually over
and all i could think was i wanted you to come to my house and just hug me and make me feel better
i wanted to cry in your arms
that's it
i don't understand why your so scared
why you didn't want that with me all of a sudden
you did
for like a month
i thought finally i would get the stupid purple pink skies
and that time would finally heal me fine
only to be cut open again
god this is so cringe
and stupid
and i'll be over it in like a week
but right now i want it back
i want you back
more than anything
i want to be in my car listening to invisible string
on the way to your house
your arms
your pretty eyes
and pretty hair
and pretty smile
but i'm not
and it breaks my heart
and what hurts worse is i know it doesn't break yours
i know what hurts you is that your not with her anymore
that hurts more than anything
i'm sorry i'm not her
i want to be trust me
more than anything
so that way i could have you
i'll forever be jealous of her now
more than i already was
because she got to have you
and she didn't want you
i can't fathom why
because i want you
and it's her fault i don't get to
not really
but partially
i hope your not lying about not being ready for a relationship
i hope i don't go back to school and your with someone
the only thing that makes me feel better is that i know or hope rather that it was our timing
maybe if it was actually august i fell for you
not march
maybe if we started talking in september not april
maybe if it was october you'd want me
and not her
please don't date anyone please
wait
so i can come back one day
please
i know i shouldn't count on it
and it's probably too late for that
i probably ruined all future chances
but i still hope there's an invisible string right now
i hope it's still there
so you can come back to me
maybe
i wanted to tell you that
that when your ready i'll be here
but i knew i couldn't
i'm not sure i want to still be here
i can't feel like this forever
i want to move on
not as much as i want you back
but i know i need to
i'm miserable
so please know
you made me miserable this last week
and that will forever overshadow how happy you made me
how genuinely happy
you made me for the last 3 months of school
so so happy
i haven't been that happy in so long
i want jt back
i change my mind
please make me that happy again
want me please
please
why can't you want to love me
im trying to understand
please
i want to love you
im sorry
im sorry
please come back
please
im sorry
i take it back
please just come back
snap me please
don't give up
apologize to me please so i can come back
and we could be something
something so good
and so pretty
and so happy
im so tired of being this way
and being used
and led on
come back please
apologize
come to my house with flowers like the movies
and we can talk it out
and i'll yell at you for being a dick this past week
but you'll apologize
and i'll smile
and i'll forgive you
and we'll hug
and get in your car
and drive
and date
and you'll invite me to do things again
and we'll watch a scary movie
and we'll go paint pottery
and i'll bug you to listen to taylor swift
and time will heal me fine
please
flowers are only like 15 dollars
and you can just wear that stupid jean jacket that you like
you don't have to do much
just that
just come to my house
and knock on my door
and my stupid dogs will bark
and we'll sit in your car
please
universe please make him come back
please
you owe me so hard please universe
or god
or whoever the fuck is up there
i just want him back
i just wanted to love him
and him to love me
i would've cared for him so damn well
i really would've