i hate this feeling
i'm angry
jealous
hurt
this longing
i'm just longing
i want to be loved
i know my friends do and my family
but a different kind of love
i have no like
no crush
no cute guy in the hall
and i like to think i'm being mature
but maybe i'm being picky
but the truth is
no guy likes me
it's plain and simple
no guy looks at me and wants to get to know me
or wants to bring me flowers
or wants to talk to me
or thinks i'm pretty
it's funny how no one really tells me i look good anymore
i don't really try i know
but some people used to think i was
maybe i got ugly
maybe it's my skin
my body
my hair
my personality
i don't know
i thought that if you were yourself someone would come
but no one has
and i've been myself
i guess people were wrong
and i'm scared
because there's no guarantee for love in the future
no promise for a soul mate
and i want to hope someone is out there for me
but realistically probably not
shoot
there's no one who wants me at all
besides a few guys who i don't like
and that's different
because i don't think they actually like me anyway
i hate getting caught up in this
but
i just want one year where i do the holidays with a guy
couple costume
pumpkins
haunted houses
thanksgiving
christmas
new years
prom
then swim in the summer
go on picnics or hikes
and sure
i can do all that with my friends
and i have
i do
i did
but
is it so selfish to want one person
who is dying to do it with me too?
just me?
because they like me
and want to hold me
and spend time with me
i'm the only one in my friend group without a partner
and it bothers me so much
so much
because they all talk about them
and i have no one to blush about
smile about
i get to just say aww
and joke
and it sucks
so bad
i've waited three years
liked a talked to a few guys
but now i'll have to wait until college
because long distance sounds terrible
i just want a guy
a nice talk guy
so i can wear heels
and he has nice hair and cute clothes
and he's nice and does nice things for me
like buy me flowers
and coffee
and i do it for him too
he loves me and i love him
just for a little while
i'm not ready for forever
this just sucks
YOU ARE READING
words i'll never say
Poetrydon't read this its probably very triggering i shouldn't publish it but i think it'll make me feel a bit better it's shit too it's not a poem or anything just my thoughts when i'm freaking out over nothing
