S.S.A Herrmann (Criminal Minds / One Chicago Fanfic)

Chapter 5

Doctor Spencer Reid's Residence, Quantico Virginia

Nikki sat on the couch next to Spencer. "I just don't get it, how can I process 2 different wars, all our cases yet. something that happened years ago like almost 7 years ago. something that was nothing compared to 99% of the traumatic things I've seen, done, and lived through." Nikki let out a groan in frustration as she ran her hands through her hair.

"Trauma doesn't work that way, just because you've seen or been through worse doesn't make what happened that night any less traumatic and painful. It's a long process that takes time and healing sometimes therapy depending on the person to get past it," Spencer said. "But should I really be all butt hurt and surpised? I put myself in that situation, I knew better so," Nikki replied.

Spencer shook his head, realizing that someone must've told her that. "No, Nikki no. What happened wasn't your fault," Spencer said causing Nikki to scoff at his words and shook her head staring at the mug of tea. "Except it was, I went on an app I met up with a guy at a frat house at 2 in the morning for 1 reason... And I should've realized he was high a fuck but I didn't and I consented at first but then I guess the coke made it so he couldn't which is what it is. I was just planning to get dressed and leave and he just held me down in a choke hold for hours." Nikki said staring at the mug of tea as she spoke. 

"He had the fresh prince of Bell-air playing in the background the whole time, I was. I told him I should get back to the dorms, and I had class in the morning and homework and he didn't care he just held me there. I'm really glad he couldn't..." Nikki paused not wanting to say it. "Around almost 5-6 am he let me go and said he had class in a few hours and I got dressed and left..." Nikki said swallowing hard as her breath shook and tears formed in her eyes. 

Nikki wiped the tears away starting to feel like she had squeezing her throat. She pulled the neckline of the shirt off her neck letting out a shaky breath. "I'm so sorry that happened to you but you gotta know that wasn't your fault Nikki," Spencer said causing her to look at him. "Spencer I put myself in that situation, to begin with and I shouldn't be crying about it now, plus I should've called for help," her words broke him a bit because he knew those weren't her words. 

They were the words of whoever she told this to, "Look Nikki you might have gone over there to have sex and gave him consent but when you went to leave and he stopped you and wouldn't let you he assaulted you, when you told him you had to go that was you saying he had no consent so he may not have sexually assaulted you but he still violated you and at 17-18 that's an impressionable and vulnerable age for young minds, especially young woman," Spencer said taking her hand in his. "I'm guessing you didn't report it?" Spencer said more than asked as Nikki nodded. "He never raped me, he had messages showing I went there willingly Spencer even if I reported it there's no proof other than the memories burned in my brain. Wanna know why I didn't scream or try to call for help?" Nikki said more than asked shaking her head. 

"I didn't scream for help because I was afraid if I did one of the other frat boys that live in that house would come into the room and do what he couldn't," Nikki said crying again. Spencer handed her a box of tissues off the table. "None of what happened is your fault, Nikki," Spencer said again as she looked into his eyes this time. "Who told you it was your fault anyways?" he asked taking his thumb and wiping away her tears. "Does it really matter?" she replied earning a look, "That's what one of my friends at the time said, the dorm counselor didn't know how to help I'd fall asleep and start having panic attacks I couldn't wake up from of just being held down for hours, they basically said if I didn't get my shit together that they'd kick me out of the dorms and school," Nikki replied letting out a sigh before she picked up the mug of tea and took a sip. 

"Seriously?" Spencer asked in disbelief as she nodded. " I haven't talked to anyone about it since University, so if you could please not say anything to anyone," Nikki said. "I don't really have anyone to tell, but I promise I won't say anything," Spencer said as Nikki nodded taking another sip of the tea and looking at him. "So I'm guessing your parents don't know," Spencer said more than asked. "My parents would have freaked out and I already felt like an idiot I didn't want my mom and dad escalating it into a big deal," Nikki replied. 

"Your not an idiot you went through something traumatizing and instead of being offered the help you needed you got told to suck it up and it lead to trust issues, intimacy issues, commitment issues, and closing yourself off," Spencer replied. Nikki laughed awkwardly, "Okay, first of all, I do not have trust issues secondly I close myself off to people because I can be a bit too extra and lastly I don't have intimacy issues. I'm just not comfortable sharing my kinks with people because I'd rather not have the judgment associated," Nikki replied. 

Spencer raised an eyebrow at her without a word not buying what she was saying. "We profile serial killer's kinks I really don't think your turn ons could be worse than theirs Nikki," he replied with a smirk. "It's not like that, I just. talking about sex, in general, makes me awkward so to tell anyone my kinks even someone I'm sleeping with I don't know," Nikki said making a face. "Were your parents religious? or strict?" Spencer asked her. "A bit of both, but that doesn't mean I'm waiting for marriage or anything. Like I'd ever end up married," Nikki replied with a light laugh. 

Spencer sent her a confused look, "Do you not believe in marriage or?..." he asked. "I believe in marriage I just don't think anyone would marry me," Nikki replied. "I find that hard to believe, your smart, funny, your a badass, strong, and absolutely stunning," Spencer said causing Nikki to look away blushing a bit. 

"So um, are you hungry? I know it's late but I can't remember the last thing I ate, to be honest other than coffee, which speaking of I could definitely use one," Nikki said after a moment. Spencer raised an eyebrow checking the time on his phone. "I mean it's almost 5, I could use some coffee and breakfast but didn't you wanna try to sleep before you went home?" Spencer asked. Nikki shrugged, "I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep plus I've had ops that had me stay up for 5 -6 days at a time without rest," she said. 

Spencer looked over at Nikki noticing the bags under her eyes, she looked exhausted and like she hadn't slept in days. Come to think of it he didn't see her go back to the hotel the entire time they were on the case in Pittsburgh to rest, and she didn't nap on the jet there or back or at the station. "How long have you gone without sleep?" Spencer asked causing her to look at his gaze. "Going on 4 no 5 days," she replied rubbing her eyes before she let out a yawn that made her eyes water. 

Spencer sent her a look of disbelief, noticing that her eyes were getting heavier as she rested her head in her hand propping her head up. He could tell she was exhausted, "Want me to walk you home?" he asked her as she nodded trying not to fall asleep. 

Nikki stood up and Spencer smiled noticing her Home Alone Pajamas, "I like your Pajamas," he said as they walked out his front door and down the street 2 houses before he walked her inside since she was almost asleep standing up from the 5 days of no sleep and the chamomile tea kicking in. 

Spencer walked Nikki into the open space instantly noticing that it only held the basics. She didn't even have any photos anywhere. Spencer walked her over to the small bed set on the floor as Nikki flopped down exhausted. He put her blanket over top of her before walking back over to the door. "Spence?" Nikki said causing him to pause, "Thank you," she said softly as Spencer smiled. "Always, I'll be 2 doors down if you need me," he said before he walked out the front door locking it from the inside before he left.