The Silent Rider

Chapter 38

The next morning was chilly, the wind blew causing a calm rustle in the leaves. I was wrapped in my favorite sweater watching the birds fly. The porch was always my favorite place to think in the mornings. Though this morning all I wanted was to breathe and block out all my thoughts, I didn't want to overthink what I was about to do. I needed to just roll with it and see what comes out of my mouth.

I saw his pickup truck driving down the driveway. I took a small breath hoping to let myself relax. He pulled up in my mom's usual spot, I saw him hop out of his truck. My eyes watched as he walked around the truck over to me. He had a huge grin on his face until he saw my small shy smile. I watch as he started taking unsure steps.

"Everything okay?" He asks probably seeing my pale tear stained cheeks from last night.

I nodded my head and he sat beside me on my little bench. We watched the horses grazing in the pasture. The sun makes them just a silhouette in an open field. I heard his steady breathing, coming out in a similar pattern as a horse's steady hooves preparing for a jump. I took a breath in.

"I can't do it," I whispered quietly looking down at my hands. "I can't go to the dance with you, I can't be with you I... I need time. It's nothing against you I promise I just dont want to lead you on when I can't promise you anything in the long run. Were high schoolers, you are popular, and I'm just the cracked shadow in the background and..."

"Wait I'm sorry you lost me, is this your attempt at breaking up with me? Cause technically we arent together so no need there." He looked at me searching my eyes for clarification. "We can go to the dance together as just friends if that's what you want, I just want to go with you."

I didn't know how to explain what I was trying to say. It's not that I didn't want him, or that I didn't want to go to the dance with him, I just didn't want him to go with me because he pitied me, because I was an easy pathetic target that required no effort to please. I wanted him to like me for the true me, not the pathetic broken person that sits before him now.

I turned to look at him, his eyes were like an open book anything you wanted to know was there, you just had to look. "Why did you ask me?"

He looked back at me his eyes flicking across my face, finally, they met with mine. "I dont know" He whispered, he was close enough to me that I felt his breath against my cheek. "Something about you has drawn me to you, maybe it's the way your eyes shine when deep down you are excited about something or the way you bite your bottom lip only when you are stuck on a math problem you can't solve or maybe its because of the way you can manage to make any situation better by just sitting there beside me."

I let out a shaky breath and watched as the final words slipped out of his mouth. "I just knew that I wanted you, no one else but you..." Then his lips were on mine.