Front of the Crowd (sequel to backstage session) MachineGunKelly

chapter 30

Six hours in a hospital wasn't on my list for the night. I turned to look at Colson who was falling asleep next to me. My legs were still in the stirrups as the nurse took off her gloves. This was the third test they did.

"Why don't you go home". I whispered and he opened his eyes.

"I'm not leaving you". He said and stood up. "They don't have the tests yet"? He groaned and looked at the nurse.

"It takes time". I sighed and without a word the nurse took my legs down walked off.

The morphine drip was now working and I felt tired. He walked over to me and grabbed my hand. "Everything will be okay". He whispered.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. When a doctor came in he gave Colson a nod.

"Mr and Mrs Baker." He acknowledged. "I'm Dr. Finley. I was the one who ran your tests for the first two". He said and sat down.

"What happened"? I asked.

Dr. Finley took a breath and turned to Colson then to me.

"Ms Baker". He sighed. "You had a miscarriage".

I stopped breathing. "What"? Colson asked.

"You were 10 weeks. You had a miscarriage, I'm so sorry". He said.

I kept quiet as I turned to Colson. He shook his head and then turned to look over. His eyes were red as they teared up.

"I didn't know I was even pregnant". I whispered.

"I have scans if you wanna see them". Dr. Finley spoke and I shook my head.

"N-No".

He nodded and stood up. "I'll give you a moment".

The doctor walked out of the room and left Colson and I there. I felt my chest tighten and I caught my breath as Colson turned to me quickly. He crawled into the bed with me and pulled me to him.

"I didn't know". I gasped and he rubbed my back. "I didn't know".

"We both didn't. It's okay". He whispered.

I felt his tears fall onto my forehead, feeling him shake. This wasn't something we wanted to handle, to deal with.

"I'm so sorry angel". He whispered.

I felt myself let go again. I couldn't believe this.

When the nurse came back in she had me sign some papers. "You're free to go tomorrow morning. I'm so sorry". She frowned.

"I can't stay, I don't want to stay". I suddenly felt panic though my body and Colson grabbed my hand.

"You need to. They need to check on you". He whispered and I shook my head.

"Ms. Baker, it's protocol". She said.

I turned to Colson and laid back down. "Can I at least change"? I asked.

She nodded and walked out.

Colson stood up and walked out Of the room, following the nurse. I grabbed my leggings that Amara packed and slipped them on but stopped mid thigh.

I hunched over gasping for air. This can't be happening. When Colson walked back in he ran to me.

"Luna". He panicked and I pushed his hands away.

I rolled back onto the bed and curled up into a ball. "I didn't know I was pregnant". I sobbed.

Colson got into the bed with me, rocking me back and forth.

"I swear I didn't know". I cried.

"Its okay. It's okay". He tried to sooth me.

Nothing worked at this point. I can barely open my mouth to speak, it was just little whimpers and sobs.

"Let it out angel. It's okay". He whispered.

People may not think that 10 weeks is a big deal but it is. Losing a baby at any age, week, month or day is a big deal. That was my baby, our baby.

"Tell me it's alright". I sobbed.

"I can't tell you that". Colson whispered. "I can never tell you that".

*

The middle of the night check ins were what set me off. I felt all the grief in one sitting. I was happy enough that Colson finally went to sleep. I turned to the nurse who fixed my IVs.

"Is it normal"? I asked.

She gave me a soft smirk and sat down on the bed.

"It happens alot, as women sometimes our bodies aren't ready to hold the life of a child. Your body just told you that it wasn't ready and thats okay, you'll be ready for the next one". She smiled.

"I didn't know". I sighed and wiped my tears again.

"Some of us don't know until it's to late. Your tests came back perfect, you would have noticed in about another week. Sometimes it's later for others". She said.

I turned to look at Colson and she shook her head. "Dont put those thoughts in your head. You both had nothing to do with it. It happens darling". She smiled and patted my legs

I watched as she walked off and I turned back to Colson. My heart breaks for him more. His idea for the both of us was to have a child. To have a family and I couldn't even do that.

"C-Colson". I whispered but he was still asleep.

I started to cry again, this time covering my mouth so I wouldn't make a noise.

"I'm s-sorry". I sobbed.

I turned on my side and pulled my legs in to me. I can't do this.