Front of the Crowd (sequel to backstage session) MachineGunKelly

chapter 31

Three days later:

3 am, the time when your mind is still awake. The time when your thoughts possess you to the core. The time where Colson gets up to pee for the fifth time. I pulled the blanket closer to me as he left his spot. I can't show him that I'm awake, I don't want him to worry. After Colson and I talked eariler we decided to smoke to calm down, vented, cried and then sooner or later passed out.

Correction, he passed out, I stayed wide awake.

He walked back into the bedroom and sat back down on the bed. I shut my eyes as I felt his hands go through my hair, moving it from my face.

"I love you angel". He whispered.

The pit of my stomach ached just seeing how upset he still was. I'm trying to be strong for him but I might lose that battle. He made a point eariler to me that stuck, which was we weren't the ones to blame because nobody was to blame and that this is life and it happens, we just need to try. Just like that nurse said.

That was the thing. We didn't know. How do we try again after finding this out? How do I convince my soon to be husband that I want to try for another kid when we didn't know about the first one? Would he want one after this?

I slowly opened my eyes and he was already staring at me. "I didn't mean to wake you". He whispered

"I've been up for a while". I spoke.

He laid down next to me now, our faces close together, noses almost touching. Should I bring it up? Should I even ask him anything about it?

"When do you want to get married"? He questioned.

That was unexpected.

"I still haven't planned anything". I sighed.

He nodded. "I want the venue to have twinkle lights".

I knew what he was doing. For the past three days he's been changing the subject to keep our minds off of what happened. I didn't blame him though.

"I like twinkle lights". I whispered.

"We can have a chocolate bar, you love your chocolate". He smiled and grabbed my hand.

"I want a chocolate fountain". I giggled.

He nodded. "Absolutely. Anything else"? He asked.

"I want Casey there first thing an Emma. I want just close friends". I said.

He nodded again. "We got this". He whispered.

Did we? Clearly not talking about it doesn't help much. We shut everyone out since then, I haven't told Alex anything. He hasn't turned on his phone.

"One day. We're gonna try again and we're gonna have all these kids and things will be perfect". I whispered.

"I say 3 kids". He spoke.

"Four". I smiled.

"Two girls, two boys". He chuckled.

I leaned in and gave him another kiss as he held it for us. "I love you like crazy". He whispered.

"I love you".

"Whatever life throws at us, we'll take it. Got it". He spoke.

I knew eventually we had to get up and brush ourselves off. It was telling everyone what actually happened causing the stress. I was afraid of what they would think, or what if the media finds out? I wanna tell others our way, not just from a magazine or a news line.

"Get some sleep. Big day tomorrow". He spoke and gave my forehead a kiss.

I completely forgot about the Billboard music awards.