The Me You Can't See (H.S)

66

Haven's POV:

Standing in the middle of what was our room with the sun peeking through the half-opened blinds overlooking the now snowing exterior, a part of me was saddened knowing I wouldn't ever be here again. I won't ever feel this, the sense of calm and contentment I never thought I would be able to feel in this life. But alas, here I stand grinning to myself like a fool even after such a rough night.

Because regardless of what I experienced last night I can't help but think of how lucky I am. Yet for as long as I can remember, lucky was never a term I would have used to describe my life and despite that, it's the only description that does what I'm feeling justice.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

It scares me how much of my happiness is reliant on him but I don't think I honestly give a fuck because like I said...I'm happy and I'm so sick of not feeling like it.

And while I know that I have to leave, waking up this morning the way I did, with a weight lifted off my chest and the warmth of him beside me, my sense of purpose was once again renewed. I'm no longer running for me, I'm running for him, to protect him the only way I can. And yes, it will hurt both of us, me more than he could ever imagine, but I need to wholeheartedly know that he's safe and I can't guarantee that if I'm still here.

It's ok though because I got to experience it. That once-in-a-lifetime kind of love that are the origin of those sonnets famous poets write about. The kind of love that dooms people to spend their entire lives searching for it because of the stories we were told as children that depicted its wonder and beauty. In this short life, I got Harry for a shorter while, which is more than I could have ever asked for.

Weren't we often told that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Well, I am living proof to tell you that saying could not be more true. Because life is better with it, where the colours are brighter, the smells are stronger and the sounds more clear. He was right, I don't need anything else if I have him.

It's a wonder that love. I'm glad I never understood its rarity until I experienced it myself because how truly painful life would be to know a thing like it existed and yet not have it.

***

We were on the road homeward bound quickly after lunch. The snow had begun to fall leaving everything lightly dusted with white and the temperature had dropped quite a bit overnight.

I didn't want to leave our little getaway bubble and I could tell Harry felt the same way as we quietly and quickly packed the car up.

But alas, I'm currently driving down god knows what highway as Harry sleeps strewn across my lap. I suspected he didn't get much sleep last night when I saw the bags under his eyes and the way he kept rubbing them like a child who refused to nap. It didn't take long for him to surrender and I'm glad he didn't resist for too long.

Because if anything is evidence of his exhaustion, it's the way I doubt even an earthquake could wake him up from his slumber. I don't mind though, not at all. I love how his breathing evens out and the tension always looming over him ceases to exist.

So with his arms wrapped around my waist and one hand on the wheel while the other runs through his hair, I truly believe I could drive like this forever, grinning as miles and miles pass us by.

As Harry's soft snores fill up the empty space around me the silent buzzing of Harry's phone goes off in the cupholder beside me.