The Me You Can't See (H.S)

19

TW: Mentions of Torture/ Violence.

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Zayn's POV:

I don't think I can yell anymore.

I have no sense of time and no sense of awareness. If you asked me how long I've been here, gun to my head, I couldn't tell you.

Niall spends his time working out every last bit of anger he has out on me and I have to sit here and take it. Malcolm rarely shows his face and when he does it's only for a couple minutes. . .to taunt me, about Avery and recently about Cameron.

I didn't think anyone knew about Cameron, let alone him. I was calling Haven that day to tell her about him. The man I'd fallen in love with.

Despite all the odds I found love in the most unconventional way. A fucking café of all places.

Soon after the whole Vico incident, I was on my way to complete a job when I decided to stop by a café for a smoothie. I know, a smoothie? But Haven always harped on me saying I smoked too much and ate too much McDonalds, so to compromise I promised I'd drink a smoothie a couple of times a week.

I was too busy watching a baking show on my phone while I waited in line that I walked right into him and spilt the contents of his drink over his perfectly toned body.

I couldn't have bumped into anyone hotter.

The minute I saw him I turned into a stuttering mess and after I bought him another drink he asked me on a date. To say I was surprised would be an understatement and well I guess you can say the rest was history.

He didn't have any ties to the cartel, which only added to the appeal. Didn't know this lifestyle truly existed and a part of me hated myself for being the one to enlighten him. But another part of me. . .a more dominant one just couldn't let him go.

I tried. . .God did I try. To push him away, to keep him at arm's length. But we were a curse and a blessing. I wasn't given another choice but to love him.

I tried my best to shield him. Hide the worst parts of myself no matter how prominent they might be. But I could only give him so much of myself before I ran out of white lies and the truth finally came out.

I almost lost him from how hard I tried to protect him from the dangerous realities of my job and for a while I did. It took him a month to come to terms with the reality of what I will have to do despite my personal beliefs and the sacrifices I will have to make when it came to our relationship.

Though nothing could be more important than him, he understood that in order to keep him safe I would have to put the cartel's needs above his own at times. I would have to put Malcolm's needs above the needs of the man that I loved.

It was a hard reality to accept, but after he did I knew that there was no one else for me.

During my time held up in this room, thoughts of Haven kept me going, but more than anything thoughts of him kept me above water, kept me from drowning, from giving up and succumbing to death.

When the pain became too unbearable I remembered his smile.

When the temperature turned too frigid I remembered his embrace.

When I felt like this was the end I remembered I had something to fight for.

I remembered him.

I can only imagine what he must be thinking and I would give anything to go home to him. To argue whose cake should have won during one of my stupid baking shows or feel his lips on mine one last time.