The Me You Can't See (H.S)

64

Harry's POV:

My hands stall on the glass as Haven's catches my attention from the corner of my eye. I have officially made it my mission to make sure she doesn't lift a single finger while we're here, all of which is to her disapproval. 

The way she all but tackled me to clean up the kitchen makes my heart warm knowing just how caring and thoughtful my girl is. So now as I finish drying up the remaining dishes, she lays snuggled up on the couch with a book held in her grasp and a blanket draped over her beautiful body. 

She takes my breath away more with each passing day. But with each day, I'm also plagued with a large pit that has only grown in size since the day I met her. Because while my beautiful girl smiles down at her page and the world around her, I know how much pain I'm about to cause and it's killing me. 

I've struggled to fall asleep these past couple of weeks. So instead, I stay awake and commit every crevice of her to memory while I still can, hoping to God that I don't drown in the guilt I've been swimming in. 

I want her to look back on us and remember these moments. The moments when she felt so loved and when the world finally gave her a lick of luck for the years of misfortune that preceded it. 

Haven fiddles with the necklace around her throat and my thoughts are now shifted to another topic that sends both shivers and warmth through me. I haven't talked about my mother in so long, not to someone who would truly understand someone like her...not until today. 

But with that feeling came the knowledge that my mother would be so incredibly disappointed to know I became everything she raised me not to be. And to the last person that deserved it. 

Before my thoughts can wander anymore, my phone buzzes in my pocket and pulling it out I'm relieved to see it isn't from Malcolm. "Hey baby, I'll be right back. There's a delivery mixup at the restaurant." Walking through the kitchen she waves me off too enthralled by the book in her hands. 

She hums, and I kiss her head, making my way out into the frigid outdoors. With the phone held between my cheek and shoulder, I shrug on a jacket. "Hey, everything ok?" I ask. 

"This is low. Even for you Harry." Zayn's voice booms through the line. 

"Slow down, what the fuck did I do?" I answer while doing my best to think of everything I've done since the last time I saw him. 

"Why am I hearing from Liam that you took Haven away for the weekend? What in that big ass head of yours told you this was a good idea?" his voice threatens to hurt my ears. 

"I don't understand what's the big deal, I'm just trying to make her as happy as I can for as long as I can, relax." I tell him. 

"Relax? You want me to relax Harry." he stops to take a breath before continuing. "You know what she told me the last time I called her? She told me she wants to stop running. She told me she was happy." he quiets and I'm still left confused as to why he's so upset. 

"I'm not understanding what the problem is here." I ask. 

"Ok, let me break it down for you then Harry. Because while I never want anything but for Haven to be happy she can't stop, not now maybe not ever. And in about 2 weeks, maybe more, maybe less, she is going to have the rug ripped out from under her. Her life as she knows it will feel like a fever dream because for most parts it will be like it was. The more you go above and beyond to try and make up for the lies and mistakes you've made, the harder all of this will be for her. Every extravagant thing you do for her will just become another reason to hate you."

Looking back into the house through the large windows I see Haven getting up from the couch and making her way toward the window. She smiles, waving at me and I wave back in response watching as she signals that she's going upstairs to change. 

My head hangs low the minute I'm out of her sight. "I'm sorry I didn't think about it like that." I apologize. "Should we come back?" 

He huffs out a sigh before speaking. "No, it's ok. I'm sure she's enjoying herself from what Liam told me and I don't want to cause her any alarm. Let her enjoy this weekend." he says. 

"But Harry?" His voice grabs my attention. "Yeah?" I answer back. 

"You can try all you want to fix things but this is going to end whether you like it or not and there is nothing you can do to stop it. So instead of trying to find a solution, I suggest you do your best to prepare yourself." with that he hangs up and I'm left with a gaping hole where my heart once was. 

His words are the reminders I've been avoiding. But I can only hide from the truth for so long. So entering the house, I wipe away the tears that have spilled over and plaster on a smile to meet the girl whose heart is bound to break and just hope to god she can't hear the way mine already has. 

I've been saying this wasn't how it was supposed to go, but let's be honest...what other way was there. 

***

I've never been one to have trouble sleeping but here I am at 3 in the morning after being jostled awake imagining the day Haven finds out. Even though she lies sleeping on my chest, her soft noises filling the silence, I can't help but be overwhelmed knowing that this train is going to crash and I can't do anything but watch it happen. 

Rolling her over every so gently, I climb out of bed and pad through the darkness. The sound of pouring rain patters against the house but not before thunder crashes followed by a bout of lighting. Standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in hand I allow my thoughts to drift to Zayn's earlier words. Prepare yourself he said. 

But how does one prepare for that? I selfishly allowed myself to see a life with her without thinking about the life I was ruining as a result. I built us up on lies and hoped that love would be enough to sustain us. 

I thought love was supposed to be selfless and yet loving Haven was the most selfish thing I could have ever done. 

I never imagined this to be so hard, so painful, so draining. Because I didn't know it until it was too late, but I built my life around her. I evolved myself around the idea of her for so long that I don't know what I have left after she's gone. 

I stand alone in the darkness allowing the minutes to pass by until my thoughts grow quiet. And just when they do, I hear a thump coming from our room followed by ear-piercing screams. I didn't hear the sound of the glass shattering or feel my feet racing up the stairs until I stood in the doorway of our room watching Haven thrashing around in pain. 

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A/N:

Hey my lovelies, 

I hope you're having a great day today. Here is a little chapter from Harry's POV just to show where his head is at these days and I hope you enjoyed it. I can't believe how far along we are in the story and ik I've been saying we're almost there but now I really mean it. I can see the end of this book and I don't want it to end yet. 

I really hope you have all been enjoying The Me You Can't See and I can't thank you enough for joining me on Harry and Haven's journey. 

If you enjoyed this chapter please don't forget to vote and leave me a comment about literally anything. As always please stay safe and I'm sending you all my love from my bedroom to yours. 

Thank you for everything.

*forehead kiss*

-O