The Unofficial Gallagher (On Hiatus)

Chapter 70

   When Kennedy was released from the hospital two days later-she insisted on heading straight to the guest bedroom, smiling politely at the condolences provided from Ian's extended family.

After carefully explaining to Shiloh what happened in the most kid friendly way and asking the boy to give his mother a little time alone- Ian finally made his way upstairs.

  

  His wife wasn't in bed like he expected, but instead was sitting at the bay window, gazing out at the sea, her chin resting on her bent knee. Ian was silent as he moved to sit behind her.

"Maybe I'm not destined to be a mother again. If God wanted me to be a mother he would have made me a mother." She spoke quietly, her voice horse from the sobs that had raked her body for two days. Closing his eyes, Ian wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to rest against him.

  "Babe come on, you can't believe that." He mumbled against the top of her head where his cheek was pressed.

"What good am I? As a wife? What're you going to do with me when I can't even give you babies anymore..." her voice broke mid sentence to release a sob that wrecked her body and broke Ian's heart.

   Ian's gaze softened even more if possible, "Come here Kendall," he used his special rarely used nickname for her and leaned down, scooping his wife bridal style and situated himself across the room onto the queen size bed they occupied for their visit-resting her on his lap, mindful of her physical state.

  Like a koala bear-Kennedy clung to Ian, burying her face in his neck  while his free hand that wasn't supporting her back, ran soothing circles.

   "I'm going to keep you and I'm going to love you as I have before and always will. You're a better wife than I could have ever hoped for and this isn't your fault Kennedy. Okay? I need for you to understand that." He emphasized, knowing how much of a people-pleaser she was and how she'd no doubt blame herself to the point that she'd get physically ill in punishing.

   "Aren't you upset?" She asked, voice muffled by his sweater.

   Of course Ian was upset.

He was heartbroken. He'd been so excited for the baby, this time things were and would be better, properly done and he'd been there for every appointment thus far, every back ache, every getting in the car at3 int hr morning to go buy a bizarre food craving.

But what he didn't feel, was anger or resentment for his wife who was beating herself up enough for three people.

   "I am. Very much, but I don't blame you. We're going to get through this. As a family. You, me and Shiloh." He soothed, jumping when his wife pulled away with a gasp.

  "Shit, Shiloh! What're-what're we-how're we going to tell him?!" She whimpered, looking at Ian desperately.

  "I'll tell him. Don't worry about it. You just take some time up here. I'll come check on you in a little bit, see if you're up for dinner with the family or I'll come bring you up something to eat. Sound good to you Kendall?" Ian pushed a few strands of hair it her face as she nodded, leaning her forehead against his, "everything's going to be okay."

Shiloh while upset at the loss of his potential sibling, was (bless his heart) more concerned about his mother's state of being and after being given permission by his father, went to visit his mother, leaving Ian alone with his relatives.

Sitting in the backyard before the roaring fire pit, Ian gazed into the flames. "I don't know what to do, how to help her..." Ian ran a hand down his face tiredly.