BibleJeff AU Compilations

Relapse (TW)

A/N: SURPRISEEE AFKLJSAFKLFJSA So, I made a mistake lol. I was supposed to post this work but ended up reposting the previous work lol. I'm blaming it on my sleep deprivation (I have been either sleeping for 3-4 hours or no sleep at all, so I'm trying to rest as much as possible since I'm back in Gwangju).

TRIGGER WARNING: This work contains SELF-HARM, so if you are not comfortable or if it may trigger you, you can just skip this one! 

A reason why I wrote this is actually based on my own experience, I was struggling with a lot of things (depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and attempts) and felt alone, thinking that no one would want me or help me or that I'll just never get better, but I thought wrong. So basically, this work is based on my own personal story. If you are feeling or experiencing any mental health issues, please reach out to people you trust!

.

.

You're so dumb

You're so stupid

You can't do such a simple thing

Useless

Why are you even alive?

Just fucking die

Those words circled around Bible's mind as if it were on a loop. He's alone in he apartment, laying down in his bed, curled up and surrounded by darkness, his thoughts seem to be louder than usual. Soon enough he felt a tear fall down his cheeks yet he doesn't bother wiping them, breathing itself already feels hard to do, and Bible feels like giving up.

Give up.

Bible shifted in his position, now looking at the ceiling. He felt so done. Done with his life, done with uni, done with his family drama, done with everything. He so badly wants to give up.

Bible sat up in his bed, head already a mess, and he felt hazy. Bible felt an itch on his wrist, and he stares ahead of him, contemplating if he wants to do it again. Bible slowly stood up, more tears running down his face, as he walked slowly to his desk. He grabbed his cutter and slide the blade out.

'Just one cut and I won't do it again' he thought to himself as he moves the blade near his wrist, letting it hover for a bit before running it over his skin. Bible smiled as he watches red flow down his wrist, he decided to draw another cut into his skin when-

BANG!

He heard the door to his apartment bang open. Bible knows it's probably his boyfriend, Jeff. Realizing that Jeff is probably looking for him, he quickly puts back his cutter and tries to wipe off the blood seeping out his wrist while trying to dry his tears simultaneously. Bible hears their footstep getting close to his room and he starts to panic.

Click

Still feeling his blood seeping out from the cut, Bible froze, his eyes staring at his boyfriend with fear. Bible doesn't want Jeff to know the state he was in, the side which he desperately tries to hide from his boyfriend.

'I'm such a disappointment...Who in their right mind would stay with a person like me... they're so gonna break up with me' Bible's mind started spiraling as he looks at his boyfriend standing in the doorway, looking shocked at the situation he is in. Bible's breathing quickens, and his chest tightens, he started gasping for air and tears began to flow again.

"Oh... Darling" Jeff said softly as he walks to Bible who was starting to shake.Jeff reaches his hands out to Bible, wanting to hold the younger and comfort him. His chest hurt when Bible stumbled back out of his reach, looking at him in fear.

"Honey, breathe..." Jeff said softly, his eyes staring straight into Bible's fearful gaze. He slowly stepped closer to him and his hands reach out, starting at him softly, trying to convince him that everything is okay.

Bible studies his boyfriend's movements, he wanted so badly to just be wrapped up in their arms, drowning in the scent and comfort of Jeff, but Bible hesitated to do this as he fears that what he did will anger his boyfriend. Bible flinched a bit when he saw Jeff reaching out to him, he took a glance at Jeff and calms down a bit seeing that he didn't seem to be mad at him, but he can't help but blame himself as he watches Jeff's eyes shake with tears starting to well up in his boyfriend's eyes.

Jeff stares at Bible, his heart breaking at the sight of the younger in such a broken and vulnerable state. He saw the glimpse of red on his wrist and felt a tear slide down his cheeks. Since when? How much did he suffer? How long did he keep this to himself?

The moment Jeff stood in front of Bible, he watch him shake in fear as he shut his eyes and curled his body. Jeff softly took Bible's hand and tilted his chin up, wiping his tears. Bible took a slight peek and saw the way the older is looking at him, and at that moment he whimpers and sheds more tears, his body leaning towards Jeff and falling into his arms sobbing.

"I'm sorry... please don't leave me" Bible sobbed into Jeff's shoulder, his hands clutching into the older's shirt as he hid his face on Jeff's crook.

"No one's leaving darling, no one" Jeff whispered softly to Bible, kissing the younger's head and caressing his hair.

"I'm not mad, sweetheart" Jeff continued, as he tightened his hug, letting Bible put his weight on him. "We'll talk about it later, okay? For now, let's treat your wounds and rest"

Bible nodded in agreement, head still buried in the older's neck. Jeff then pulled out from the hug and went to find the first aid kit, taking his time on regulating his emotions before coming back. He then comforts Bible a bit more before carrying the younger into the bathroom to wash his cuts. Once in the bathroom, Jeff puts the younger on the sink and brings his wrist under the running water.

"You must've been in so much pain" Jeff whispered as he saw Bible flinch. He looks at Bible and gives his forehead a kiss and finished washing his cuts. He watched as Bible lifted his head up to look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry..." he hiccuped. Jeff smiled at him, patting his head, he lifted the younger's wrist and kissed them.

Bible saw Jeff's red-rimmed eyes and reaches his hand out to him, wanting to be hugged by him. Jeff lets Bible touch him, he felt the younger trace his fingers on his eyes. "I'm sorry..." Bible softly said as he pulled the older into a hug. "It's okay," Jeff said into his ears. "Next time you feel like this, please tell me."

"Come on now, let's finish cleaning up and get into bed," Jeff said, his hands still gently holding onto Bible's wrist. Jeff picked up the cup and made him drink before he opened the kit and start disinfecting Bible's wound. Once they were done, Jeff picked Bible up and walked towards the bed, slowly putting him down in the middle of it. After making sure Bible is comfortable, Jeff laid down next to him, Bible's back to his chest as he wraps his arm around the younger's waist.

Bible followed them both after cleaning the sink and saw the position Jeff and Kei are in. Jeff is already content and has his eyes closed and Kei is still awake but Bible can tell he badly wants to close them. Bible smiled, feeling his heart warmed, knowing that both his loved ones is near him, breathing and alive. Bible then thought back on what just recently happened to Kei, reminding himself to have a talk with him with Jeff.

Jeff took his time looking at Bible before brushing Bible's hair back, giving him a kiss on the forehead and lips then he held Bible's cheek, caressing them, and proceed to kiss his face. He smiled at him and repositioned both of them so his arm is supporting the younger's head. "Sleep, my love," He whispered to Bible, and watch him close his eyes and fell into a deep slumber.

It's going to be okay. We'll be okay.