Like Moths to a Flame // Sebastian Sallow [Book One]

Chapter Forty-Four: From the Shadows Into the Light

The final weeks of school slipped by in a haze. Sebastian had a hard time doing anything, let alone focusing on his studies. His O.W.L.s last week were probably a complete disaster, although he truly hoped not. He dreaded receiving his results in August.

He hadn't heard from Anne again. Ominis spoke to him occasionally, but Anne never came up in conversation. Even Rupert and Henry were giving him a wide berth.

Intriguingly, Sebastian's sightings of Damien grew more frequent. It struck him as if Damien was surreptitiously keeping watch over him, observing from a distance. Unfortunately, Sebastian clammed up whenever he saw him. Against his better judgment, he would often find himself scurrying away when Damien got too close. 

He still hadn't found a way to prove to Damien that he was willing to change. He was willing, wasn't he? His revelation that night in the depths of Hogwarts felt so long ago now. Perhaps it had merely been a passing thought that would never be realized. And yet...Sebastian was finding more ways to distract himself when dark thoughts crossed his mind. He read a lot more for pleasure. He took long walks along the lake, keeping an ever-watchful eye out for the giant squid. He even occasionally found himself wandering around Hogsmeade, hoping to stumble into something interesting. But whatever his preferred method of distraction, he was always alone, and the isolation was slowly killing him. 

Sebastian stopped pacing the Undercroft and slumped against the wall, his hands in his hair. Desperation clung to him like a heavy shroud, and he instinctively shielded his face from the world, his arms forming a barricade of self-imposed solitude. He had skipped breakfast and lunch, perhaps even dinner last night. He couldn't remember. Sebastian briefly considered getting up and heading out the door for tonight's dinner, but he couldn't muster the energy to do so. He coughed weakly, holding back, to his horrified realization, the beginnings of a sob. As he grappled with the rising tide of despair, a haunting question clawed its way to the forefront of his mind: When was the last time he had allowed himself to cry?

Above him, a throat was discreetly cleared, startling him out of his troubled thoughts. 

Sebastian opened his eyes. Even through the gaps in his arms, he would recognize those long legs and Ravenclaw robes anywhere. How long had Damien been here? He waited a moment to regain his composure before dropping his arms and lifting up his head.

"Bash?" Damien asked quietly. "Are you alright?"

Sebastian struggled to find his voice amidst his anguish, yearning to offer reassurance to Damien, but the words eluded him. Months of unspent emotions suddenly flooded from him, and he released a sob. Horrified, he collapsed in on himself, protecting Damien from his outburst.

But Damien didn't recoil or retreat. Instead, he crouched down beside Sebastian and wrapped him in his arms. The gesture was so shocking that Sebastian allowed himself to let the tears fall. He gasped in between sobs, releasing it all into Damien's embrace. After what felt like an interminable amount of time, his breaths came in more steadily and, with great care, Damien let him go. Sebastian looked up into Damien's eyes, which were staring intently back at him, searching him, piercing through him. 

Damien didn't need to speak, but he did anyway. "Sebastian - there you are."

"I was always here," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

"No, not really," Damien said gently. "You seemed lost."

Sebastian let out a weary sigh. "I suppose you're right."

"I wanted to talk to you, you know. Many times. But you always ran away from me."

"I didn't know what to say," he sputtered in reply, wiping his eyes. "Merlin, I've been such an arse. How can I ever make it up to you?" When Damien didn't reply right away, Sebastian added quietly, "I - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You really have no idea."