Like Moths to a Flame // Sebastian Sallow [Book One]

Chapter Forty-Four: From the Shadows Into the Light

The final weeks of school slipped by in a haze. Sebastian had a hard time doing anything, let alone focusing on his studies. His O.W.L.s last week were probably a complete disaster, although he truly hoped not. He dreaded receiving his results in August.

He hadn't heard from Anne again. Ominis spoke to him occasionally, but Anne never came up in conversation. Even Rupert and Henry were giving him a wide berth.

Intriguingly, Sebastian's sightings of Damien grew more frequent. It struck him as if Damien was surreptitiously keeping watch over him, observing from a distance. Unfortunately, Sebastian clammed up whenever he saw him. Against his better judgment, he would often find himself scurrying away when Damien got too close. 

He still hadn't found a way to prove to Damien that he was willing to change. He was willing, wasn't he? His revelation that night in the depths of Hogwarts felt so long ago now. Perhaps it had merely been a passing thought that would never be realized. 

And yet... Sebastian was finding more ways to distract himself when dark thoughts crossed his mind. He read a lot more for pleasure. He took long walks along the lake, keeping an ever-watchful eye out for the giant squid. He even occasionally found himself wandering around Hogsmeade, hoping to stumble into something interesting. But whatever his preferred method of distraction, he was always alone, and the isolation was slowly killing him. 

Sebastian stopped pacing the Undercroft and slumped against the wall, his hands in his hair. The ache of desperation was too much to bear. He covered his face with his arms, shutting out the world the only way he knew how.

He had skipped breakfast and lunch, perhaps even dinner last night. He couldn't remember. Sebastian briefly considered getting up and heading out the door for tonight's dinner, but he couldn't muster the energy to do so. He coughed weakly, holding back, to his horrified realization, the beginnings of a sob. As he grappled with the rising tide of despair, a haunting question clawed its way to the forefront of his mind: When was the last time he had allowed himself to cry?

Above him, a throat was discreetly cleared, startling him back to awareness. 

Sebastian opened his eyes. Even through the gaps in his arms, he would recognize those long legs and Ravenclaw robes anywhere. How long had Damien been here? He waited a moment to regain his composure before dropping his arms and lifting up his head.

"Bash?" Damien asked quietly. "Are you alright?"

Sebastian struggled to find his voice, yearning to offer at least something to Damien, but the words wouldn't come. Months of unspent emotions suddenly flooded from him, and he let out a... sob. 

No! No, no, no!

Horrified, he collapsed in on himself, shielding Damien from this highly unusual, very much unwanted, outburst.

But Damien didn't recoil or retreat. Instead, he crouched down beside Sebastian. What was he doing? And the next thing Sebastian knew, he was wrapped in Damien's arms. 

The gesture stunned Sebastian so thoroughly that he allowed the tears to fall. He gasped in between sobs, releasing everything - his  frustration, his sorrow, his fear -  into Damien's embrace. It felt... maybe not right, not exactly, but... necessary. Like something he had been longing for without realizing it.

After what felt like an interminable amount of time, his breaths came in more steadily and, with great care, Damien let him go. Sebastian looked up into Damien's eyes, which were staring intently back at him, searching him, piercing through him. 

Damien didn't need to speak, but he did anyway. "Sebastian, there you are."

"I was always here," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.