Someone To Stay [bxb]

Chapter 17

 

                  Nathaniel

I go around the house, entering every bedroom . Trying to find Lucas . Wylder was right, I can be a dick sometimes.  So apologizing to Lucas will be a decent thing to do . I owe him that much . What I said earlier on, about being forced to care about him because he's carrying my child wasn't true.  I mean, I would have walked out of his life the minute I found out about the pregnancy but I didn't . I couldn't . Deep down, I know why but I'm too afraid to acknowledge the reason why I stayed.  Admitting it to myself will make it real, and everything that is real always ends up hurting me .

" Hey, have you seen Lucas?" I find Tyron pinning down a redhead girl on the wall  in the dark hallway .

" Oh he's with Tunner in the last bedroom I think ." Tyron answers then quickly goes back to kissing the drunk girl in front of her, who seems too eager to kiss him back .

I walk through the hallway, walking past a few people who are either making out or passed out . I finally arrive at the door, I put my hand on the doorknob and twist it open before I back down . Whatever happens, happens .

The room is dimly lit by the moonlight shining through the small window. For a moment, I think there is no one in the bedroom because the bed is perfectly made and by the looks of it, no one is on it until I hear soft sniffles coming somewhere in the closed bathroom across the bed . That's when I notice that the bathroom's light is on by the looks of the light coming through the small gap of the almost closed bathroom door .

I quietly close the door behind me, deciding to just lock it so no one can disturb us . I tiptoe my way to the bathroom . I don't want to startle anyone who's in there, and I can only hope it is Lucas . I take a peek through the small gap to find Lucas sitting in the bathtub . He's sobbing silently while his hand is over his belly , he's now only in his shirt that reveals how big his belly has gotten .

A part of me breaks watching him , I don't know why but seeing him crying silently , alone reminds me of my younger self . The little boy I used to be before I pushed him deep inside me because I used to think he was pathetic . He was weak . He didn't deserve to be loved because he was different . It reminds me of days James treated me differently, made me feel left out because I wasn't his biological son . He made my life miserable with every given change, especially when my mother wasn't around . He made me feel worthless . Do I want Lucas to feel the same way? No, I don't . I don't want someone to ever go through what I went through when I was young . That shit hurts and it leaves you scarred for life .

I quickly straighten up and knock softly on the door . " Lucas, it's Nathan ." I call out , clearing my throat a little .

" What do you want?" He inquires, his voice cracking a little . I can hear that he's still crying .

" Let's talk, please ." I push the door open . Not giving him a chance to say no .

" I don't know what you want us to talk about. You have made it abundantly clear that you don't really care about me . What's there to talk about?"  He doesn't bother looking over me . He just stares at the white tiled wall opposite him .

" I'm sorry ... I'm sorry about what I said , I don't know what I was thinking . Actually, I know, I was being an ass . I'm sorry . "

" Okay ." He murmurs . " Thanks ." He adds when he realises that I'm still standing there .

" I - i ..." I shake my head . I want to say it . Just say it . " I ...are you okay? Should I drive you home?" I say that instead . I groan internally .

" No, Josh is going to . Or i might sleep over here . I don't know. " Lucas says, starting to wipe his cheeks with the back of his quivering hand .

" I can take you home . I don't mind . I'm not even drunk, you don't have to-"

" Why?" Lucas glances over me . This time, there's something behind those eyes that I can't seem to pinpoint .

" Why?" I give him a quizzical look . " Because I want you to arrive home-"

" No, why do you care? Because I'm carrying your baby? I may be 16 but I'm very much capable of taking care of myself . I'm not stupid . So why are you insisting on taking me home? Why?" His voice sounds rather cold . The hardest part is how indifferent his facial expression is . It's like he has blocked me , built a wall between us so  I can't see what he's feeling .

" I don't know. I just want you to be safe ." I say after a lengthy unbearable pause . " I just want ...I just want us to work , Lucas . I want you, I want us to be together but at the same time, I'm scared that that might never be enough for you . That one day, you might realise how messed up I am and leave me . " The words finally fly out of my mouth . I find myself leaning against the wall and warm tears trickling down my face .

" Funny thing, I feel like you might leave me for someone better . Someone who doesn't look anything like how I look now ." Lucas murmurs .

" I would never, you have given me a chance to be a better person . You have given me the opportunity to love and feel loved, not only by you but by the baby you are carrying . I will never ever exchange that for anything . " I glance over Lucas, who's looking at me too .

And now I see it, I see what it is . In those eyes I see nothing but love , sincerity, pure happiness . I never thought I would ever see someone look at me like that . My mother always looked at me with love but there was always pity in her eyes too, like she felt sorry for me . With Lucas, I feel like I would never be loved out of pity, only pure honesty .

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