Someone To Stay [bxb]

Chapter 50

LUCAS

I must have fallen asleep because after what felt like hours, I feel a hand gently shaking my shoulder .

I slowly flutter my eyes open to find myself looking at the beach. It's not often that you come across a sunset-gold beach. That is a privilege as i gazed out at the slothful sea. I have never been on a beach. I only saw that kind of beauty on TV. So to see it in real life made me feel so....at peace.

" I can only assume that you like it?" Nathan mumbles besides me . I totally forgot that I'm with him . I was so deep in awe that everything around me kind of disappeared .

" I love it! It's umhm- it's so beautiful!" I finally utter the word that has been hanging on the tip of my tongue although it feels like 'beautiful' will never be enough to describe what I'm looking at.

" Yeah, indeed ." Nathan whispers. I glance over his side to find him staring at me . As quickly as I noticed, he looks away, clearing his throat . " So, wanna get started on the date?"

" Oh I thought this was already the date?" I taunt . Smiling softly at the way Nathan shakes his head with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

" This is just the beginning." He hops off from the driver's seat, opening the backseat. I turn around. I only noticing now that there's a picnic basket on the back with a soft Nemo Victory Blanket . I can't help but feel more eager to start the date .

" Are you going to help Sir?" Nathan gives me a sideways look with a small grin plastered on his face .

" Oh yeah yeah!" I snap out of my trace ." Sorry!" I jump out of the passenger seat , opening the backseat to take out the blanket while he holds the huge picnic basket .

He locks the door behind us once we have everything with us . I allow him to lead the way. My eyes occasionally dart towards the waves as they crash every minute, a skip of my heart and a small breathless moment going with the sounds . It is a cool summer evening, as only Santa Barbara can be, no one seems to be here except the two of us.

" Here we are!" He set down the basket. I spread the blanket on the ground, plopping down with my shoes off and my socks scattered on the ground . Sinking my bare feet into the warm coarse sand. Falling in love with the feeling already .

For a moment, all my worries wash away and all my eyes could focus on is the sunset . It's like looking at it brings me peace and quiet. A new feeling I thought I will never get to feel in this lifetime.

" I have never been on the beach. I never thought being on the beach ever felt this way ." I whisper when Nathan sits down beside me ." What was your first time like?" I inquire out of curiosity.

" I was like six. I came here with Mrs. Kevens, James and Summer. Mrs. Kevens was still pregnant with Joshua . It was the best day of my life . Not only did I run around the beach, I even got to swim with James holding my small frame as I flapped my arms and legs in the sea like a newborn baby learning how to swim . The laughter...the smiles..." he trails off. Looking down at the sand on his feet . His hair falling over his face to hide his expression.

I don't know what to say to him. I can sense that thinking about it makes him a little sad. It's like those types of memories that are beautiful but at the same time sad. The sadness comes from the fact that the people you once knew in the memory have changed, they will never be like the past people they once made you feel like the happiest person alive .

" I don't have memories like that with my mother. " I murmur. I can feel Nathan's eyes on me as I breathe in slowly " Sometimes I wish I had them . Something to look back on and think that maybe, just maybe I deserved to be loved like any other kid, to be held and cherished like my existence meant the world to her . To just have something, some proof that I was once loved by her but all I have are ..." I shrug my shoulders. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten and the pained tingling of tears at the back of my eyes.

" You can have that with us , Tobias and me . " I feel a warm large hand on mine . A sigh escapes my mouth as I nod.

Have you ever sat down and thought of the little kid you once were? Sometimes I think of the little boy in my past, the me that never got the luxury of being loved . He always makes my body shudder . His cries and pleads to his mother to just hold him a little tighter, Rock him to sleep and just stop neglecting him . Whenever I think of him, I find myself crying for him . Weeping for what he wished for and never even got to have .

" Hey..." A tilt of my chin towards Nathan makes me blink the tears in my eyes I didn't realise were there .

" I'm sorry..."I sniffle . Trying hard not to meet Nathan's eyes . What if all I see is pity? I have seen enough of that while growing up.

" Don't be. You have every right to feel this way. When we are young, we expect our parents to love us more than anything in the world. When they don't...we start to wonder if there's something wrong with us but that's not the case... " He says quietly . I find my eyes drifting to his face , thinking I will find nothing but pity but all I see is understanding.

"---- Your mother had issues of her own, battles she was fighting on the inside then instead of being a parent, she became nothing but a shell of a mother .You deserved to be cherished, but your mother was a disturbed, unhappy woman who took out her frustrations on you and your little sister. And it wasn't your fault." He whispers the last part, his hand squeezing mine gently.

I try to speak but words fail me completely . A wave of sadness embraces me and the only comfort I find myself in, is in Nathan's arms as I mourn the past. And the new person that came out of it . My silent sobs turn into whimpers then like that, we are laying on the ground . Nathan cradles me in his arms, as if he's sheltering me from the whole world. I close my eyes, and despite everything, I think I've never felt so safe.

_