Someone To Stay [bxb]

Chapter 52

                   
                        LUCAS

" I could get used to this ." Nathan mutters , placing his hands on my waist . With almost all the insecurities about my body thrown outside the room, I manage to catch his eyes .

" How was last night?" I whisper. Holding my breath as his face turned red . Does that mean I did good? I wonder .

" Good ." He murmurs. Averting his eyes to my lips then back at my eyes . " Felt like heaven. I wish we could have gone all night."

" Yeah? Because as much as I loved you inside my mouth, my jaw now kind of hurts now ." I admit.

" Aww I'm sorry I'm too big for your mouth!" Nathan teases . I pout, playfully smacking his hand away when he tries to touch my sore jaw . " I'm sorry baby, can I touch it?" He gives me one of his puppy eyes. I instantly melt, knowing I could never win with Nathan.

" Just don't put too much pressure on it ."I warn. He nods . He gently inspects my jaw with a rather serious face . I try not to smile at how handsome he looks, his forehead furrowed a bit in concern .

" Well , it doesn't look that bad . Wanna go again?" He waggles his brows . He earns a frown in return . " Or I could just go down on you?" He suggests with a smirk

That makes my body go into alert mode " Uh--no, it's fine!" I nimbly turn to the warm water .

" What's wrong?" Nathan wraps his arms from behind me in an attempt to keep me from running away, which is something I'm planning on doing . Soon.

" Oh nothing." I lie .

" Lucas...." He nuzzles his nose on my neck . " What's wrong? Talk to me baby ."

I'm so glad we are not facing each other . The shame that creeps up in my heart could have been evident on my face . " I just don't want you to see me like this . My body is not what it used to look like ." I hang my head low . Cursing at myself for allowing the insecurities to fill up my mind at such an amazing moment.

A long pause follows and I don't know if I have said the wrong thing . I'm starting to feel like an idiot for bringing this up . So I do what I do best, I jump out of the shower . I feel tears Welling up in my eyes when Nathan doesn't stop me . What did I expect? It's not his problem that I feel this way. It can never be his problem. He has the perfect body. He didn't carry a child inside him . He couldn't relate to how I feel .

I wrap the white towel around me tightly, my feet landing on the cold floor until I reach my bedroom. I don't even make it to the closet before I find myself breaking down. I don't allow the tears to take a hold of me. I breathe in and out , leaning against my bed .

" Hey, come on ."'I feel hands help me stand up . I dart my eyes anywhere but at Nathan . " Let me show you something ." He beckons towards the huge mirror by the walk in closet .

I glance over at his unreadable face to the mirror in confusion but I allow him to lead me there . When we stand in front of it . He gently pulls the towel away from my body . At first, I try not to look at myself . Every time I do, I find something to criticize about it .

" Look at yourself, Lucas. Do you see that?" His hand touches the scar that runs under my abdomen with so much care that it makes me shiver involuntarily. " A life came out of you baby . A beautiful baby boy that you carried with so much difficulty. And honestly, I would do anything to be able to do what you did . Anything!. I hate it when you do this to yourself, put yourself down . It hurts because there's nothing I can do to make you see what I see through this mirror. To make you see how beautiful your scar is and the reason you should hold on to it with pride ." My lower lip trembles as tears slowly roll down my cheeks .My eyes examine my body , and for the first time since forever, I allow myself to see it more than just scarred and broken .