Someone To Stay

48

We were back at home and I was rolling around in the middle of the night, not being able to sleep. JJ was fast asleep and snoring softly. Her arm was draped over my stomach and I got out of the bed, deciding I needed some water. I drank some and sat down at the kitchen table. I heard the kitchen light turn in and saw JJ standing by our bedroom door. "Why are you awake?"

"I couldn't sleep." She came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my torso, kissing my cheek.

"Come back to bed." I smiled and she walked us back to the bedroom. I lied down on the bed and sighed. "What's on your mind?"

"Huh?"

"Usually you sleep like a baby. You haven't had nightmares for a while. So...what's bugging you?" I sighed again and sat up, turning to face her with my legs crossed.

"Just...I don't even know." I lowered my head and rubbed my forehead.

"Talk to me." She rubbed my back and held my head against her chest. "What's wrong?" She grabbed my wrist suddenly and my heart stopped. "What's this?" She pointed to my scars.

"Um...I did it after I got the pictures sent in the envelope. I can't believe Garcia is still trying to track him down."

"Cam you should've told me." I shook my head.

"We were both busy with work and I didn't want to worry you."

"Don't think like that. Is that what's keeping you up? The pictures in the envelopes?" I nodded.

"I don't like that someone knows what I look like naked. Fully naked." She nodded and rubbed my back.

"Don't do that to yourself." She said, rubbing my wrist with her other hand. "I told you to come to me whenever you felt like doing it." I sighed and stared at my hands, playing with my fingers.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm your fiancée. Why don't you feel comfortable coming to me?"

"I do...it's more of a problem with me talking about it. Like I can't get it out of my mouth." She nodded and I reached for her hand, playing with her fingers.

"Well how do you feel right now?"

"Confused, tired, in need of a hug." She smiled softly and pulled me in for a hug. "Violated." I continued as I thought about the photos.

"Aww...it's ok baby." She whispered into my ear. My heartbeat slowed and I sighed against her neck. "Wanna talk anymore?"

"Yeah...I really can't figure out how someone got those photos of me. I've never been in those positions. My eyes are closed in all of the nudes but not in the sex pictures...wait."

"What?"

"The backgrounds were all white, like they were hiding where it was. Oh my God, oh my God JJ." I said as memories came rushing back to me. My heart rate started to pick up and I grabbed my chest, struggling to breathe.

"Hey, breathe with me." She put her hand on my shoulder. "In and out. In...and out. In...and out." She did that for a couple minutes until I controlled my breathing. "What's wrong?"

"When I was kidnapped. I was awake a lot. I know he raped me because I remember feeling it but since I already experienced it and it was traumatic to me...my brain blocked it out. But now I remember. I remember him blindfolding me and raping me now. He did that...he did that so many times...JJ."

"What?" She wiped the tears off of my face.

"Can we talk about something else, I can't get it out of my head." She nodded and held my hand.

"We can go to bed now. We can get some good sleep. We don't have work tomorrow morning, put your head on my chest, listen to my heartbeat. It's going to be ok." She held my head against her chest as we lied down. "Just focus on me beautiful. Focus on me." She rubbed my arm up and down as I tried to get it out of my head. Why did I have to remember? Now that I remember it's not going to get out of my head...

Which was the point...he wanted me to remember...but how did he send them? He's not out of prison.