Someone To Stay

60

JJ woke me up a few minutes later. "Baby...Baby are you ok?"

"Mhm. Did I fall asleep?"

"No...you passed out."

"Oh." I sat up and rubbed my head, she put her hand on my back and rubbed it up and down slowly.

"You should've told me if you needed to stop."

"I didn't need to."

"Then why did you pass out?" I shrugged and she cupped my face gently. "Cam...talk to me beautiful."

"I don't know why I passed out, maybe it was because we've never gone three times before...I don't know." I rubbed my head and looked away from her.

"Have you been eating?" I nodded and she sighed. "How much?" I turned to my wife and shrugged.

"Whenever I feel like it."

"Baby I've told you multiple times to not skip meals for work." I nodded.

"I know. I'm sorry. I've just been really stressed out."

"About what?"

"About the wedding." She laughed softly and kissed my forehead.

"You could've told me. Why were you nervous?"

"I didn't wanna fuck up my vows. I was scared you wouldn't say 'I do.'" She tucked my hair behind my ears and tilted my chin up.

"Hey...you could've talked to me."

"I know...I'm sorry." She pecked my lips and rubbed my back.

"So...is there anything you wanna talk about right now?" I shrugged and she moved her hand to my cheek, gently wiping away a tear as it escaped my eyes.

"I shouldn't be crying we just got married."

"Don't do that to yourself. I said I would always be with you...through highs and lows, you remember that right?" I nodded and she smiled at me. "The don't be ashamed to cry. I'm always here." I nodded and she tried to pull me in for a hug but I shook my head. "Uh oh."

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You always want a hug or cuddles, something has to be seriously wrong for you to not want a hug or cuddles."

"That's not true." She tilted her head and gave me a sympathetic look.

"Come on. Talk to me." I tilted my head so that it was in her palm and she caressed my cheek.

"Can I have my shirt?" She nodded and handed me my shirt, I pulled it over my head and and then rested my head on her shoulder, feeling empty but also overwhelmed with love for her.

"Cam." I lifted my head up and was met with her worried eyes.

"Please talk to me."

"The 2 month break was really good for me." I started, looking away from her. "But I really don't deal well with flashbacks...and we've seen a lot of rape cases the past month and I just...it's been stuck in my head a lot recently." I admitted. "I don't want to have to vent to you every time I feel like I'm about to break down."

"Never feel like you can't Cam." Her voice was firm but soft. "I'm always here. Always. I promise." I nodded.

"Sometimes I wish that I would've been successful." I confessed for the first time ever. I saw her heart break in her eyes as her hand fell down to my thigh. "But then I think about you. And I hope I never die. Because I love you so much and I never want to be anywhere but with you." My voice cracked and I put my head on her shoulder again.

"Can I hug you now?" I nodded and she put her arms around me, lying down on the bed so that I was on top of her. "Please don't ever think that again." Her voice broke as she spoke in a whisper. "Don't ever think that you would be better off dead." I nodded and snuck my hand under her shirt so that I could caress her stomach. She kissed the top of my head and I relaxed into her touch finally. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." I kissed her neck softly and closed my eyes, feeling very tired.

"You can sleep now baby." She whispered against the top of my head, holding onto me as if her life depended on it. "Nothing can hurt you."