As It Was *Complete*

86. Opening Up

Astra wasn't sure where she should go. Home seemed like the obvious choice and the place Pansy and Theo would surely think of first. When they were done yelling at Draco, probably. She hoped they've weren't too mean to him.

She couldn't go to the Burrow and be a burden. So home was the only other option. So she Apparated into her bedroom and levitated her trunk into her wardrobe before taking Atlas and heading down into the little apartment, hoping no one would think to look in a wardrobe for her.

She knew that everyone would eventually come looking for her. Feeling sorry for her, looking at her with pity and like she was a delicate little flower. She wasn't.

So Draco didn't choose her. She would just have to deal with it. She could be the bigger person. She could smile at the couple in the corridor and secretly scream as they kissed and cuddled in school during meal times and lessons.

She felt a bit of a fool for the feelings she had been having over the holidays. Thoughts of him moving in with her. Thoughts of marrying him in a big ceremony with all their friends and family. Thoughts of starting a life with him. No more fighting, no more messing around. She thought that this was it for them. They were together, and that's how it would be forever. She was putting it down to a moment of insanity and blaming the hormones.

A wave of nausea hit as she sat on the sofa curled up with a blanket around her as Atlas slept on the pillow next to her. She smiled sadly as she touched her stomach. There was still no sign of the baby yet. Her stomach looked like it always had. But she felt different as she knew it was there. "I am sorry if I drove daddy away, my sweet baby." She said sadly as tears filled her eyes again, threatening to spill over. "I promise you it's not your fault. I just wasn't enough."

She let the words sink in. She wasn't enough. And once again, she was alone.

"But I am going to do everything I can to ensure that you have an amazing life. I will show you the world and teach you magic. I will read to you and sing to you and cuddle you every day. You are so loved, my little miracle, and I am eternally grateful for the gift of being your mummy."

There was a commotion above and she tried to sink further into the sofa (as if that would help make her invisible or something). It was loud enough that Atlas gave a jolt and looked up to see what had happened. She pet under his chin and smiled. "It's ok. No one can find us in here."

"Astra?" Draco said in a panicked tone running into the room, sweat on his forehead and looking paler than he did in 6th year. "Astra are you in here?"

"Obviously not Draco," Pansy pouted. "Where else would she go?"

"I have no clue," he said desperately. "She wasn't downstairs, at The Burrow or in Diagon Alley in the bookshop. Unless she went back to the school, but she wouldn't do that without talking to her father first and he is just as clueless as we are. He is going to speak to Remus and Sirius."

"Draco you really are a prick, you know that?" Theo growled.

"I fucked up OK. I never expected her to come back while I was at Sophie's fucking house. This is so messed up!"

"You know," Pansy said folding her arms. "She just wants you to be happy right? That girl didn't give two thoughts to her own happiness but was concerned for yours." Pansy wanted to keep reminding him. She wanted him to feel bad. She wanted him to suffer. He deserved it. Not only had he led Astra to believe that he chose someone else, but all the while she was pregnant with his child.

"Pansy, I already know this!" He begged. He felt sick to his stomach.

"You better hope that wherever she is, she is safe," Theo growled. "Angel is out there, alone and pregnant and it's entirely your fault."