LOCK UP - Lando Norris [BOOK 2]

40

It's been a few days now and we've been getting closer and closer. Our night time rituals have continued, but now, he talks. 

He tells me how he feels about me and certain things I may have hinted at, to tell him how I felt about him. He doesn't bring up any memories, but he confirms the ones I describe in my dreams and lets me know about how he felt in those moments I remember. But refuses to share any new ones. 

We're snuggled up in bed for the night, he's by my side this time and I'm resting on his chest as he strokes his fingers through my hair. I had another dream last night and I can't wait to share it with him, it has to be one of my favourites so far. I remember waking and feeling so connected to him, even though it was Charles in the dream, I'm learning how to adjust and convince myself it's Lando. 

"I remembered something else" I mumble excitedly to him, my fingers circling around his stomach. 

"Oh yeah?" he coos. 

"We were in a bar, and we'd been drinking cocktails, way too many of them. We were dancing on the dance floor together, my arms around your neck and yours around my waist. The way you were looking at me, I could tell you really loved me." 

I feel his body go a little tense underneath me, his hand pauses running through my hair. 

I continue, "I remember feeling really low, but I can't remember the reason, I just know it's why I drank so much that night, but you leaned into me and told me how happy I looked, and it made me feel so warm and noticed, because I really did feel happy. I remember looking at you and just seeing, everything. The perfect guy. The face of someone who was always there and understanding. I knew how much I loved you that night" 

When he doesn't respond, I continue to explain more of my thoughts "It's weird, I have all of these memories, and when I talk to you about them, you confirm that they happened, but in my head they didn't happen with you. I feel all of these feelings, and I think I can pinpoint them to a certain time or place, but when I'm struggling to understand, is why I'm not connecting them to you."

"That one, umm didn't happen" he admits defeated. 

I sit up straight, turning my body to face him. "What?" I gasp. 

"At least" he turns his head away from me, frustration filling his tone, "Not with me" 

My lips part in shock, "But I.." I shake my head confused. 

"I'm not saying it didn't happen though, Ev. It just didn't happen with me" he shuffles himself out of my grasp and hops down off the bed, pacing back and forth in front of me, running his hands through his hair. 

"Maybe it is truely him you love after all. I mean, I knew he was over in Florence with you, I just didn't know you two were..." he gestures his hand aimlessly in front of me, but I understand what he's insinuating. 

"Lando, no" I shake my head. 

"No offence, at all Evelyn, but how the hell would you know?" he walks away from me frustrated. 

"Lando, please, I don't love him. I know that. I don't feel that for him" I beg for him to understand. 

Lando laughs nervously, almost sarcastically. "This was always a big problem for us, Evelyn. I was so sure you always wanted him." He admits a memory, and I feel like a sharp knife is being stabbed in my chest.

"Please don't do this, Lando I don't have any feelings for Charles, I love him as a best friend, that's it, I promise you" I cry. 

"But you're meant to love me!" he shouts "Do you not see what I've been trying to do? It has been so hard, not to just tell you exactly what's happened between us, I've been trying so hard to make you realise it for yourself again that I'm the person you love. Why can't you fall in love with me again?" He crumbles in front of me.